By Jared Chausow
By Katie Toth
By Elizabeth Flock
By Albert Samaha
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By Jon Campbell
By Jon Campbell
By Albert Samaha
TAURUS (April 20-May 20):
My daughter Zoe is modest about her poetry. She worries she hasn't earned the states of awareness she writes about. "I don't know if I'm really as sensitive and deep as I make myself out to be," she confessed as she handed me a beautiful poem recently. I understand Zoe's concern. Am I as enlightened as I appear to be, judging by the noble advice I dispense in these horoscopes? Nope. Yet in the process of conjuring up inspirational messages for you, I find myself striving to live up to their moral power; I become a better person. How about you, Taurus? Is there any gift you can give or service you can provide that will activate your dormant potential? Is there any beauty you can bring to life in your environment that will transform you on the inside?
GEMINI (May 21-June 20):
I live in Northern California, home of more psychotherapists per capita than any place on earth. Though it's fun to joke about it, I'm pleased so many of my neighbors place a high value on exploring and transforming their inner landscapes. If I were king of the world, every citizen would have an inalienable right not just to adequate food, housing, education, and medical care, but also to regular counseling with a wise adviser. Alas, our civilization is not sufficiently enlightened for that revolution. Until it is, Gemini, you should take matters into your own hands. And now, while you're at the top of your game, is a perfect astrological moment to initiate, expand, or cultivate your access to such a guide.
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
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Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at email@example.com.
CANCER (June 21-July 22):
The cosmic powers have authorized me to grant you a double-strength, time-release dose of sweet certainty. During the coming grace period, your attraction to doubt will fade. A simple resolve will rise up in your heart every time you need one. Though at first the peace you experience may feel eerie, you could get so used to it that you'll forever abandon the chronic vacillation you've assumed was your lot in life.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22):
Quoted in the San Francisco Chronicle, Leo actor Christian Slater bemoaned aspects of his training. "I glommed on to the idea," he said, "that I had to suffer for my art. Acting teachers love to promote the idea that in order to really get into character, you've got to put yourself through emotional hell." Many of you Leos have a similar attitude. You regard your whole life as a work of art that shines brightest when it flirts with interesting pain. In the coming months, though, you'll be called upon to make dramatic revisions in your approach to self-expression. I suggest you take your inspiration from Slater's new and improved belief: "Now I'd say, 'Don't suffer for your art.' "
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
It'll be a zigzag, flip-flop, which-end-is-up week, Virgo. Every plot twist will quickly split into at least two more; anything that looks like a trick ending will lead to what looks like another trick ending. Your natural talents for thinking on your feet and adapting on the fly will be even better than usual, though, so you're poised to thrive in slippery conditions that may befuddle weaker minds. My advice? Act as if there were no script for the unfolding drama; treat every situation like an improv exercise in an acting class.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
The key to Libran happiness, says master astrologer Steven Forrest, is to seek serenity within. He warns that you shouldn't go overboard trying to manipulate the external world into becoming more tranquil. That's not possible, and besides, it's a distraction from the real work, which is best done on yourself. Now here's the really exciting part of Forrest's theory: The most reliable way for you to release tension is by putting yourself in the presence of beauty; by seeking out people and environments that elicit your deep sighs of aesthetic enjoyment. At this particular moment in your astrological history, my dear, that's especially useful advice.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21):
It's your birthright to become a master of desire, Scorpio. Two related skills are involved. First, you have to regularly pare away all inessential desires and enthrone the precious few that are really important. Second, you have to steadily shed outmoded goals to make room for fresh ones that will consistently lead you away from the past and into the future. It's a tough assignment. Most people never come close to accomplishing such refined potency, and they don't have half the number of desires you do. Can you pull it off? The coming weeks will be a turning point in your quest to claim this birthright.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
As you enter a more unpredictable phase, your fantasy life may become rather, uh, experimental. This'll be goodyou're sure to dream up inventive solutions to problemsbut you'll also have to guard against getting carried away. To curb excesses, I'm providing you with help from Sagittarian cartoon character Bart Simpson. If you start edging toward loopy intemperance in the coming weeks, repeat the following affirmations, which he has at one time or another written on his classroom's blackboard: "I will not eat things for money. I do not have diplomatic immunity. I will not teach others to fly. Organ transplants are best left to the professionals. Underwear should be worn on the inside. I will not sell miracle cures. I will not spank others. I will not do anything bad ever again."
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19):
There's only one miracle you could really make use of right now, Capricorn, and it would require a shift so simple and subtle you may be in danger of overlooking it. In a related development, the secret you need to know most is hidden in plain sight, not far from where you're sitting. Don't you dare make the mistake of searching for the cleansing truth in exotic places. In conclusion, the ordinary events of everyday life will be rich with revelations if you can outwit the sleepy numbness you sometimes feel in the presence of familiar things.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
Cancer cells are constantly developing in our bodies. Luckily, our immune systems routinely kill them off. Similarly, your mind always harbors pockets of crazy-making misconceptions and faulty imprints. They usually don't rise up and render you insane thanks to the psychic version of your immune system. And how can you stay strong in your ability to fight off sickness and madness? You know the drill: Eat healthy food, sleep well, get physical exercise, minimize stress, give and receive love. But here's another one that's not so widely advertised: Know what your life's purpose is and pursue it with all your heart. I encourage you to vigorously practice all these life-enhancing pleasures in the coming days, Aquarius. You're in a phase when you can add enormous strength to every function of your immune system.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20):
Imagine you're swinging from the chandelier after midnight at the party of the year. The chandelier breaks, and you're thrown into the lap of an interesting-looking wallflower who's been sitting in the corner muttering into a cell phone all evening. The moment you land, the wallflower flatters you with outrageous praise, followed by an insightful critique of you that's both embarrassing and helpful, followed by another dollop of praise, followed by an invitation to leave for the airport together and get on a plane for Egypt. While this scenario may not literally occur, Pisces, it's a close metaphorical approximation of what your near future will be like.
Homework: What name would you choose for yourself if you couldn't have the one you do now? Write: www.freewillastrology.com