By Alex Distefano
By Scott Snowden
By Anna Merlan
By Steve Almond
By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
SAGITARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Imagine an alternative universe where the ancient Greek myths had different outcomes. The Bacchae women don't tear apart the god of ecstasy, but lift him on their shoulders, carry him into a sumptuous bedroom, and pleasure him all night. Oedipus finds out in time that the woman he's set to marry is actually his mom, and calls a halt to the wedding. Pandora opens the mysterious box, but what flies out aren't anger, jealousy, illness, and sadness, but joy, wonder, curiosity, receptivity, and creativity. Once you get the hang of radically re-envisioning these old myths, Sagittarius, do the same with the modern one you're smack in the middle of.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The cardiologist had bad news and good news for my 72-year-old Capricorn acquaintance George. One of his coronary arteries is largely blocked, which might eventually necessitate bypass surgery. On the other hand, an angiogram revealed that his heart is in the process of trying to grow a brand new artery where none had been before. If it's successful, George won't need to depend on the old blocked artery any more and can avoid the operation. The cardiologist will check on the progress of this budding miracle in a few months. In the meantime, let's you and I, Capricorn, marvel at the resourcefulness and intelligence of the human body. Yours, too, is in the midst of an amazing transformation. It may not be as spectacular as George's, but it will allow you to experience your life on a deeper level than ever before.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): There's no contradiction between expressing your most outrageous individuality and being in humble service to humanity. Far from opposing each other, these two tasks are synergistic. In fact, I'll go so far as to say that you can't really do either justice without the other. That's why I believe that one of your life's supreme triumphs will come when you've mastered the art of being both an idiosyncratic maverick and a reverent devotee of the greatest good. This is the time and this is the place, Aquarius, to make rapid progress towards that goal.
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at firstname.lastname@example.org.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): When Rodney Dangerfield got his first big career break, he was already 44 years old. He didn't discover his signature comedic riff"I don't get no respect"until he was in his fifties. Compared to him, Pisces, you're a precocious early bloomer. But I hate to offer him up as consolation to those of you who fear you're not fulfilling your ambitions fast enough. Comparing your own rate of growth to others' is a dastardly trap that you should vigorously avoid. Try on this thought: You are at the exact level of success where you need to be in order to carry out your life's unique mission. With that certainty as your ally, your ripening will paradoxically accelerate.
Everyone fudges the truth and hides the whole story from time to time. What are your top three deceptions? Write anonymously to www.freewillastrology.com.