By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
SAGITARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Back in 1999, I bought a luxurious bed for me and my new girlfriend. Later, when we broke up, the bed became a symbol of love gone bad, and I couldn't stand to keep it around. Alas, no charitable organization would accept it as a donationit was too damn bigso I decided to haul it to the dump in my pickup truck. As I idled behind a line of cars at the entrance, a guy walked up, knocked on my window, and asked if he could take the bed off my hands. He and his pregnant wife had managed to score a rental home after being homeless for a year, and my bed would be their first piece of furniture. Overjoyed at my good luck, I drove it to their new digs. And that's how I turned my sad old baggage into a bright, beautiful gift. I predict that you, Sagittarius, will soon have an analogous opportunity.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): If you keep a diary, you'll have good reasons to pack it with five times as much testimony as usual in the coming weeks. To set the tone, put this poem by L.S. Asekoff at the top of the first page: "Flying solo above the flames, I see the future fan out before me as one by one I discard the cards in my hand." And what if you don't have a diary? Please find some other way to express the surge of liberatingly lonely, creatively destructive, convulsively triumphant novelty that'll be roaring through you.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Still afraid that life is a random hodgepodge of meaningless events that are unresponsive to your deepest desires? Sooner or later, I'll talk you out of that little delusion. The divine interventions coming your way this week should help a lot; I doubt you'll be able to sustain your skepticism about life's inherent goodness in the face of so much catalytic help. You may even make progress on another one of the pet projects I hope to interest you in: learning how much fun it is to change yourself in order to cash in on your good luck.
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at email@example.com.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): "I invite men drenched in time to recover themselves and come out of time, and taste their native immortal air." So wrote essayist Ralph Waldo Emerson, and now I'm passing it on to you just in time for your season of transcendence. In the coming weeks, Pisces, you'll be continually inspired to rise above situations that might have dragged you down at other times. You'll find it relatively easy to excuse yourself from your monkey mind's endless chatter. Lowest common denominators won't seduce you; unconscious ruts won't ensnare you; inferior motivations won't distract you. I'll leave you with a further tip, courtesy of the poet Rumi: "What I want is to leap out of this personality/And then sit apart from the leaping/I've lived too long where I can be reached."