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I also adored seeing Liza Minnelli and David Gest trying to rehabilitate their image, among other things, by serving food at the Rescue Mission, replete with a press advisory for camera crews. But I sort of wish their homeless victims had said, "We can feed ourselves, lady. Get your cynical ass out of here!" Then they could have said something to Liza!

A more fascinating genderpalooza is the one being forged by trannie-prostie-turned-acclaimed-writer J.T. Leroy. As Page Six reported, XXX co-star Asia Argento is preggers with Leroy's baby, prompting me to ask the scribe how Speedy (Leroy's girlfriend) and Astor (their mutual boyfriend) are taking this development. "They're fine with the news," Leroy said. "In fact, Speedy, Astor, and my son [Thor] are staying in Asia's home in L.A. when they go check out Billy Corgan's new band, Zwan. Billy and Stephan Jenkins will be the baby's godfathers and Tatum O'Neal will be the godmother on my side of the family." And afterward they'll all marry Lisa Marie Presley!

Alone and harnessed, I caught the Chicago screening last week—you'd have to be a maggot crawling on a dung heap not to love it—and afterward, Illeana Douglas told me Richard Gere should get the honorary Don Ameche "Did he do his own tap dancing?" Oscar. I hear he did, he did—and he should, he should!

Hit it, boys: A touching moment at the Lure's "Pork" night.
photo: Miles Ladin
Hit it, boys: A touching moment at the Lure's "Pork" night.

I even went to the Lord of the Rings II premiere—it's a hard Hobbit to break—and asked Sean Astin if his character's as madly in love with Frodo (Elijah Wood) as he seems. "He is in love," Sean said, "but it's a love bond between two males without the injection of eros." Sort of like me and my boyfriend, I suggested. "You have to get him drunker," said Sean.

After cutely noting that he "gleaned that homosexuality and cinema interest you," the actor introduced me to some guy who'd made a movie about a gay hustler. I craftily brushed him away and steered the talk back to Sean's mom, Patty Duke, who's going into Oklahoma!, making me desperate to tell her, "So you come crawling back to Broadway!" (a line from her camp classic Valley of the Dolls—the ultimate in gay cinema). "That would give her a laugh," admitted Sean. And then I took off the harness and headed back to the highway. I can walk to work!


SPECIAL TO THE WEB: Spider-Man's Kirsten Dunst has attracted a whole new man into her wanton web—Jake Gyllenhaal. The two were seen making nice at Bubby’s the other night!

ONE MORE THING: Derek Jacobi has never publicly come out, but his fellow British thesp, Sir Ian McKellen, just took care of that. On Inside the Actors Studio, Sir Ian revealed that he once had a massive crush on Derek, who later told Ian he’d been hot for him too. They were certainly the right age for each other—young!


musto@villagevoice.com

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