By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
By Raillan Brooks
The million-dollar question: If Johnny Knoxvilleis two feet away from you, what do you do? Well, the jackass was sitting across from us at Spin's holiday bash in honor of the Strokes' Band of the Year anointment at Lot 61 last Wednesday night, and a friend had her own idea. "I want to kick him! Do you think he'll let me kick him?" She was drunk enough to make a $20 bet, but first she asked him nicely.
Mr. Knoxville demurred, "My knees are bruised; sorry I'm such a pussy." She gave him a little playful boot, anyway. I was out 20 bucks. I asked Mr. Knoxville my own burning question. "Why, why, why does someone torment himself so?" Said Mr. Knoxville with a bit of a slurcaused by too much alcohol or too many hits to the head, or both"Well, I can't sing or dance very well."
After the Knoxville incident, I ran smack into Casey Spooner of Fischerspooner, who blocked my escape. "Well, well, well, it's my arch-nemesis!" he snickered. I quivered. Some might remember that I've taken F/S to task, naming them "Best Silly Media Ploy Pulled by Two Art Students" in our Best of NYC issue, and declaring: "Fischerspooner suck."
"What do you have to say for yourself?" the golden-haired singer bellowed. "Um, you can't sing," I replied meekly. "And you lip-synch."
"And Kylie [Minogue] doesn't?!"
Later we made nice; he even encouraged me to be "meaner"after he choked me. He held court in the back V.I.P. room dressed in a white shiny jacket, a black shirt, and a black Russian fur cap. He looked like a someone even though he was dressedin his own words"like a waiter."
Spooner managed to offend Julian Casablancas while posing for the paparazzi with the Strokes' lead singer and Spin editor in chief Sia Michel. Apparently the Stroke wasn't having a stroke over the photo op, so Spooner cracked, "Oh, don't get too excited!" Casablancas wasn't having it: He wandered away before a shot was snapped.
Across the way, Jack Black and Ryan Adams boozed it up while a very bored and braided Chloë Sevigny looked on nearby. At 2 a.m., a gaggle of girls got ushered in, with raven-haired Kelly Osbourne leading the way. Did I mention she's only 17? One wonders how Ms. Osbourne was able to appear just a few hours later on Live With Regis and Kelly all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Oh, to be young again.
Prey for Rock & Rollthe movie version of the rock 'n' roll play about an all-girl band that first ran in 2000 at CBGBis finally in post-production and producers say they're aiming to screen it at Sundance in January. The production ran into a snag late October when Joan Jett, who was due to appear in a cameo and who had played lead guitar for the soundtrack, sued the producers for breach of contract, claiming she was still owed $80,000 out of a total $100,000 fee. Jett's publicist refused comment, but according to the filmmakers, the singer is negotiating with them. The movie is based on New York playwright and songwriter Cheri Lovedog's real-life experiences of being in a struggling L.A. band in the early '90s. The title of the film may be changed from Prey for Rock & Roll to Lovedog, says Kelly Crean of Creanspeak Productions. The film version will feature Showgirls siren Gina Gershon as the lead and Lori Petty and Sopranos star Drea De Matteo as members of the band.
If the DJ thing doesn't work out, he can always write graphic novels. The DJ thing is still working out for Canuck Kid Koala, but he's also talented enough to get a novel called Nufonia Must Fall (ECW Press) published in February 2003. Says the Kid, "It's about this robot who's trying to write love songs to get the attention of this girl. But he's a robot, so he can't sing, and so it's kinda hard to write love songs." Aw. Fans of the super-turntablist wizard might remember that some of his super-cuuuute drawings were included in a booklet on his last CD, Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, which also featured a guy-seeks-girl story line. A bonus : The book comes with a CD that is meant to be listened to while readingsort of like a score for the novel. The über-curious can check out a "book trailer" at kidkoala.com.
Another moonlighting musician is Philly DJ King Britt. The suave soul man has been picked to star in local street-wear label Triple Five Soul's spring ad campaign. It's not the first time the handsome King has appeared in adverts. Some astute folks might remember him mugging for the camera three years ago in AT&T's print campaign. Work what your mama gave ya.