By Jared Chausow
By Katie Toth
By Elizabeth Flock
By Albert Samaha
By Anna Merlan
By Jon Campbell
By Jon Campbell
By Albert Samaha
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Jack prays every day for five years to win the lottery, but never hears from God or hits the jackpot. Finally, God wakes him up in the middle of the night. "Jack, is that you who's been praying so hard to win the lottery?" the Supreme Being booms. "Yes, Lord, desperately!" God pauses for a moment, then says thoughtfully, "Jack, I'll tell you what. I want you to meet me halfway. Buy a ticket, OK?" Let this joke be a prod, Taurus, that will keep you from making the same mistake Jack was guilty of.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): I have a psychic vision about your life in 2003. I see you adopting a secret identity as a superhero. Your mythic name will be the Amazing Underdog, and you will have two superpowers: the ability to steal unexpected victories in situations where everyone underestimates you, and the ability to defeat evil and save the world through modest, persistent effort made with absolute integrity. Are you up for the assignment? If so, don't tell anyone about it.
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
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CANCER (June 21-July 22): Upon completing The Book of Ephraim, Pulitzer Prize-winning poet James Merrill believed he'd finished writing about the rejuvenation of his spiritual life, which had been unfolding for several years. But he was wrong. When he and a friend picked up the Ouija board soon thereafter, Merrill was given notice that he had more to do. "3 OF YOUR YEARES MORE WE WANT," barked the Ouija spirits, who apparently dwelt in a realm with odd spelling rules and no lowercase. "WE MUST HAVE / POEMS OF SCIENCE THE WEORK FINISHT IS BUT A PROLOGUE." If you consulted the Ouija board right now, Cancerian, I bet you'd channel a comparable message concerning your own path. Here's my prediction: A labor of love you expected to climax soon will ask you?perhaps even command you?to give it more time.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In the future, it won't be the material treasures you accumulate that will win you the most bragging points. It won't be the important people you know or the deals you've swung or the knowledge you've amassed or your mate's attractiveness. No, what will be most boast-worthy in the world to come will be your success in wrestling your shadow?how thoroughly you can tame the ignorant, flawed, selfish aspects of your own nature. Each of us is given an equal share of that leaden stuff, but some are more relentlessly ingenious in transmuting it into gold. And it's now prime time for you, Leo, to make rapid progress toward mastering that powerful magic.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): "Who am I? Where did I come from? Where am I going?" Philosophers long ago stopped trying to solve these questions, says biologist E.O. Wilson, believing them to be unanswerable. Scientists subsequently stepped forward to fill the vacuum, and now act as supreme arbiters of the mysteries that once belonged to philosophers. I regard this as a loss. Though the scientific method is a tremendous tool for understanding the world, many scientists refuse to use it to study phenomena that can't be repeated under controlled conditions or that can't be explained by current models of reality. And I say it's impossible to explore the Big Three Questions without taking into account all that stuff. Which brings me to the crux, Virgo: Your assignment in 2003 is to bring the disciplined objectivity of the scientific method into areas of your life that are invisible, subtle, secret, and soulful.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In the coming week, steep yourself in the sounds of gossamer melodies as much as possible, preferably while bathing in soft, golden light and sipping hot, sweet tea. Move and think and read slowly in the safest places you know while exulting quietly in the soothing touch of velvet or cashmere next to your skin. In February you can careen wildly out to the edges of reality, bedecked in vivid accessories and on the prowl for delightful upheavals; but for now devote yourself to the cultivation of luminous, murmuring pleasures that comfort you all the way down to the bottom of your life.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): I predict that in 2003, researchers will use genetic engineering to develop high-yield soy and corn crops that thrive on toxic sludge and acid rain. I further predict that many of you Scorpios will produce analogous marvels in your personal lives. Some of you will exploit your old psychic garbage to create barriers that'll prevent the influx of more psychic garbage in the future; some of you will be driven by your nightmares to generate bright blessings; and some of you will turn your most acute pain into your hottest inspiration.