By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): In a commercial for a new dream interpretation show on the SCI FI cable channel, a middle-aged man is planted on a couch, gobbling an oversized sandwich and gazing blankly at a TV. His wife, clad only in black bra and panties, saunters into the living room astride a massive white stallion. The man looks up at her briefly, then returns to his vegetative trance. A voice-over suggests that this is a dream about the wife having needs that the husband is not fulfilling. I predict that you will have a comparable dream in the coming week, Sagittarius. Both the man and the woman will symbolize aspects of your own life.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): I'm not one of those astrologers who insists on stereotyping you Capricorns as compulsively cautious, staid, and obsessed with order. In fact, some of the most imaginative and dynamic people I've known have been members of your sign. Still, the current astrological omens strongly suggest that it's time for me to remind you to take yourself less personally, less seriously, and less literally. Here's a quote, courtesy of novelist Tom Robbins, that you should put on your bathroom mirror for the next 10 days: "Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature."
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You will soon have the power to see what has been invisible and to decipher codes that have been impenetrable. You'll shed a belief that has been crippling your intelligence, and you'll lose a "friend" who has been undermining your understanding of yourself. And that's not all, Aquarius. Just in time, you will shake yourself free of a curious numbness, allowing you to tune in to feelings that you desperately need to experience. And you will finally find the words to name truths that have been dangerously fuzzy.
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at firstname.lastname@example.org.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): One of the most enduring stories from ancient Greece has been the set of events that legend says occurred at Troy, on the coast of Asia Minor. Yet this epic place, site of Homer's Iliad, was a village covering only seven acres. Keep that factoid in mind in the coming week, Pisces. I believe it'll serve as the perfect metaphor for events that are currently unfolding in your own life. A humble patch of ground may become the scene of a mythic turning point. An experience that begins small may be the seed for a story that will achieve monumental importance for you in the years to come.
Homework: Describe what you're doing to end the war within you. email@example.com.