By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
But keep your phone off and pay attention to some more fictionalized screaming minors: Lilya 4-Ever is Lukas Moodysson's new film about the child sex trade, the darkest thing to hit the screen since you suddenly couldn't see Peter Arnett anymore. At the premiere, Moodysson said the script flew into his head fully completed and he didn't even have to articulate his ideas to his crew. "We don't talk that much on the set," he said. "We just work. We're Swedish."
Meanwhile, some Americans are working my nervesnamely all the local TV twinkies who are bizarrely covering the Iraqi weather. If you don't pay attention, you go outside dressed for blistering heat and sandstorms. And it's snowing!
Dressed for success, E!'s departed Steve Kmetko has nabbed a spot as a correspondent on Extra, according to filth2go.com. Thank GodI miss his handsome half-smirk and fully groomed eyebrows. I hear the equally comely Madonna is using Steven Kleinwho did those contortionist shots of her in Wto direct an upcoming video, and this one will actually get aired. Will she pin her legs behind her ears and pop out a hand grenade? One can only hope so, after her Swanking of the "American Life" video. (Come on, Madonna, we don't need you to second-guess your chutzpah and cave in to the big boys. We need you to tighten the belt around society's neck and return to your old mantra, "I am not ashamed!")
Returning to her old man, party-thrower Susanne Bartsch is back with gym owner David Barton, according to delighted spies. And now, though I wanted to close with my rimming thing, I'll instead tell you that a recent Oscar nominee who was there swearsthat the Michael Moore booers were plants. Yeah, the type that need to be potted and fertilized. Now, where are my fucking chocolate fingers?