By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Like most county fairs held every summer in American communities, my hometown's three-day extravaganza hosts competitions in many categories, from quilt art to pickled vegetables to decorated bird houses. This July's fair will add an unusual new class: Prizes will be awarded to whoever grows the tallest weed. I predict the winner will be a Sagittarius who begins the project this week. The rest of you Centaurs are also primed to capitalize by exploiting things that are normally thought to lack value, and you won't have to wait till July to cash in. To get in the proper mood (which should include compassionate, humorous self-mockery), give yourself a blue ribbon for having the biggest pimple or worst bad hair day or crabbiest mood.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): "If the wrong man uses the right means, the right means work in the wrong way," says the ancient Chinese book The Secret of the Golden Flower. Conversely, "When the right man uses the wrong means, the wrong means work in the right way." These thoughts, Capricorn, are all you need to succeed this week. You're free to come up with your own interpretation of their implications, but here's mine: High integrity and a noble purpose sometimes count for more than cleverness or skill.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Literary critic Harold Bloom believes Finnegans Wake was James Joyce's masterpiecethe closest thing our age has come to the genius of Shakespeare and Dante. Novelist Anthony Burgess called it "a great comic vision that makes us laugh aloud on nearly every page." Yet when Joyce was writing the book, his wife Nora hated it, calling it "chop suey." She asked him why he didn't make "sensible books that people can understand." Joyce's patron, Harriet Weaver, also derided Finnegans Wake, saying it was a waste of his genius. Luckily, like many Aquarians, Joyce was mainly loyal to the little voices in his head, not the little voices outside of his head. Draw inspiration from his example in the coming week.
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at email@example.com.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): To compensate for the fact that the amount of available time is steadily shrinking, I've intensified my multitasking. I now meditate while washing dishes. I pay bills and write poems and practice singing while stuck in traffic jams. I read the newspaper, surf the Web, make business calls, eat lunch, and organize my schedule while pedaling my exercise bike. As a happy and unexpected result, my brain is definitely working better; I've gotten smarter. This regimen isn't for everyone, of course. But if you do have an interest in increasing your intelligence, Pisces, now is a perfect astrological moment to make it happen.
Homework: I dare you to feel love for someone you have disliked for a long time. Testify at: beautyandtruth.com