Horror Show

A Monster Season From Our Unlovable Losers

Meanwhile, Cliff Floyd's been taking ground balls at first. Vance Wilson, Tsuyoshi Shinjo, and, for all I know, Banquo's ghost have been taking ground balls at third. The Mets haven't been hurt by their out-of-position players. Jason Phillips, a catcher, reportedly played only five games at first base in Triple A before becoming the everyday first baseman for this $120 million team. Phillips is quite promising, one of the bright spots fans must now look for (along with Seo, currently the team's best pitcher). Jason Phillips seems blessed with great instincts, so if the Mets stay true to form, they'll trade him. Jeromy Burnitz makes for an unlikely center fielder—a bit elephantine, though he does make the catch if he gets to the ball, and in Metsland, that's something. He's also raised his batting average by over 100 points after last year's vapor-lock season.

Still, Met fans, you know you're in trouble when the play-by-play announcers begin rhapsodizing over your team's long outs. June began with an unlikely win against the Braves—that eight-run inning described above—a true Frankenstein win. But then came two losses to the lowly Brewers, and a thought that wouldn't go away: We all know what happens to the monster at the end of the story.

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