By Alex Distefano
By Scott Snowden
By Anna Merlan
By Steve Almond
By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
The biggest ones of the month? MSNBC gave Michael Savage a talk show because he said things on the radio like "You should only get AIDS and die, you pig!" Then he said that on MSNBC, so they fired him. They should die of asshole-itis.
No, I know who should plotzspam perpetrators! Now that everyone's wise to them, these cretins have to try that much harder to make sure you actually open their smelly fish. Well, the most desperate tactic of all came last week, when an e-mail (probably from Michael Savage) landed my way with the unmissable subject "Fags must die." Fuming, I wasn't even remotely going to let this one go unread. So I immediately clicked on the missive and found that it was a promo offer for some sad, innocuous cable TV filter. If it were real hate mail, at least it would have been more honest. Spam senders must die!
And publicists must be lightly bitch-slapped. Yes, they have every right to be annoyed that Us Weekly got a Kate Hudson story by having a reporter sneakily approach her as a fan, but this desperation situation partly exists because of publiciststhey make magazines jump through hoops and sign their souls away before nabbing approved sit-downs.
But nice handlers invited me to see Madame Satãa lurid, florid movie about an angry Brazilian drag queen, a sort of tucked and gussied Jimmy Ballswhich at times seems like a long high-heeled temper tantrum but has got slithery spunk to burn. Alas, real nerves frayed at the Film Forum premiere when the sound went haywire and everyone was sent away with a coupon to see it some other time. I found this out at the rather poignant after-party at Flow (I'd already seen the film on tape), by which point director Karim Aïnouzhad gone home depressed and had to be begged back. "I had invited all my friends," he lamented when he got there. "It's so Douglas Sirk. At least I'm getting good sex tonight and it'll all be fine." Hmmwhat mountable piece of live flesh did he see before him? "No, it's all already arranged," Aïnouz explained. How much? "It's very inexpensive," he said, laughing. "Only a coupon away." Oscar, please!