By Albert Samaha
By Darwin BondGraham
By Keegan Hamilton
By Anna Merlan
By Anna Merlan
By Tessa Stuart
By Tessa Stuart
By Albert Samaha
ARIES (March 21-April 19): If you're single, this is the most favorable time in many moons to try creating a harem for yourself. You're even more attractive than usual, and the cosmos has decreed that what might have been greedy in the past is just right now. If you're in an interesting monogamous relationship, on the other hand, don't mess it up with fantasies of polyamory. Instead, brainstorm with your partner about how you could provide more variety for each other. Dress up in different roles, for instance. Speak with funny accents, invent new names, or pretend you're living in another historical period. How would you do your love dance if you were members of the French Resistance in World War II or escaped American slaves headed for freedom circa 1863?
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): If you're typical, your memory is not very efficient; by tomorrow at this time you will have forgotten much of what you learned today. But you cannot afford to be typical during the next 10 days, Taurus. It's crucial to the ultimate success of your long-term dreams that you remember far more than you usually do. I don't care how you do it: Intensify your perceptiveness, try memory-strengthening exercises, take massive doses of ginkgo biloba, or all of the above. Become as aggressively receptive and absorptive as you have ever dared to be.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Can you be a dissatisfied rebel and exuberant lover of life at the same time? Can you identify all the things that are wrong without losing your bemused tolerance? I think you can, especially this week. You won't have any role models to draw from, though, so you'll have to trust your intuition and the following advice: Be a happy bitch! A playful protester! A sweet-tempered complainer! The goodies will come to you if you overthrow the status quo with inventiveness and compassion.
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A Novel by Rob Brezsny
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CANCER (June 21-July 22): I'm sure you've had the experience of a song popping into your head and refusing to leave, as if it had taken one of your brain circuits hostage. Usually it's a catchy tune you've heard recently on the radio, but now and then it's an old song you haven't thought of in a long time. The former is a nuisance, but the latter may be an oracular message from your unconscious minda helpful hint, like a vivid dream, that can clue you in to a not-yet-fully-bloomed truth. I predict you will be the lucky recipient of such an oracle at least twice in the coming week.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Just assume you're a prime example of F. Scott Fitzgerald's belief that "If you're strong enough, there are no precedents." You have permission from the cosmos to make that assumption. You'll also be perfectly justified, Leo, in expecting the fire in your belly to grow bigger and hotter. Given the exceptional amounts of willpower you'll be able to channel in the coming days, it may even make sense for you to wear a ring with a symbolic thunderbolt and refer to yourself with the royal "we."
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Pablo Picasso had a difficult birth. When he finally popped out after a long labor, he wasn't breathing. The midwife decided his face was so blue he'd be impossible to revive. She declared him dead and left. But Picasso's uncle, who was in attendance, got up close to the infant and puffed cigar smoke up his nose. That was the shock that brought him to life. I expect that a metaphorically analogous wake-up call will resurrect you from your soul numbness in the coming week, Virgo.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Give yourself a treat you've been denying yourself far too long. Get a friend to give you a ride in a wheelbarrow. Use one of your so-called flaws strategically. Have a staring contest with a snake. Take shopping lessons from an expert. Using a felt-tip pen, inscribe a sacred poem or symbol on a new pair of underpants, thereby transforming it into your special magic underwear that will make intriguing things happen whenever you wear them. Whisper a taboo secret while moving very fast, preferably on a roller coaster. Say a rowdy prayer each time you lick a Tootsie Roll Pop, and don't stop until you reach the center. Round up someonepay him or her if necessaryto be your yes-man or yes-woman for 24 hours.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): After studying the cosmic omens, I realized I'd be unable to glean your oracle until I was standing on holy ground. I left immediately for Spirit Rock Meditation Center, a Buddhist sanctuary near my home. There I sought out the outdoor prayer wheel, a brightly painted wooden cylinder inscribed with noble phrases like "wise speech" and "wise intention." Buddhists believe that when this ritual device is spun on its axis, spiritual blessings are cast in all directions. As I reached for one of the handles to give it a whirl, I spied an awesome sight: Four salamanders had arrayed themselves on the section of the wheel that read "wise livelihood." I knew I'd found my message for you, Scorpio. This week, do everything possible to get closer to making your money by serving your highest ideals.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): In 1977, English professor Coleman Barks had a dream that changed his life. In the dream, he was relaxing on a riverbank near his childhood home in Georgia. A ball of light floated toward him. It contained a man with his head bowed and eyes closed, sitting cross-legged and wearing a white shawl. The man raised his head, opened his eyes, and said, "I love you," and Barks answered, "I love you, too." Some time after this dream, he met the same mysterious figure in waking life. It was a Sri Lankan holy man, Bawa Muhaiyaddeen, who ultimately set Barks on the path to becoming a translator of the dead mystic poet Rumi. Today Rumi's books are bestsellers, largely due to Barks. I predict you will soon have a dream with equally potent possibilities for your fate, Sagittarius. I hope to God you remember it and write it down.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The "problem" you now face is unprecedented: You are seeing too clearly, thinking too crisply, and speaking too forthrightly. Normally I would celebrate this state of affairs, but right now it's preventing you from even discovering, let alone taking advantage of the subtle opportunities that life is offering you. These opportunities will only make themselves known if you relax your piercing gaze and invoke what we might call fuzzy logic. You know how at night you can see better if you look out of the corners of your eyes?
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): I've rarely seen astrological aspects so favorable for sublimating your libido in the quest for sublime truth. You will have cosmic law on your side if you attempt to do what a few mystics have claimed to accomplish: fall in love with the Divine Wow. Please note that the right kind of human partner can facilitate this erotic breakthrough; the wrong kind will distract you from it. Now read what the Indian saint Ramakrishna had to say: "Mad! One must become mad with love to realize God. When one attains ecstatic love of God, all the pores of the skin, even the roots of the hair, become like so many sex organs, and in every pore the aspirant enjoys the happiness of communion with the supreme universal self."
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20):You remind me of that rare hybrid known as the puwo, a cross between a poodle and a wolf. When the poodle part of you is dominant, you're nervous, elegant, and beautiful in a fragile way. When the wolf aspect is in control, you're wild, restless, and ferocious in a style that's enigmatic and potentially dangerous. Sometimes, when the two facets are equally balanced, you're an unpredictable X factor: nervous and wild, elegant and restless, fragile and ferocious. How much longer can you sustain this crazy-making drama? I hope and predict you'll finish no later than August 20, since after that you won't be able to get away with it.