By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
By Roy Edroso
By Jon Campbell
By Albert Samaha
By Zachary D. Roberts
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Mars is now closer to Earth than it has been in 60,000 years. It's shining 85 times brighter than it did a year ago, and it will be the single most brilliant light in the night sky this week. Is the red planet therefore beaming an intensified dose of its charismatic, melodramatic Martian vibrations at us? Will our libidos feel as if they've been supercharged? I suspect so. Psychotherapists everywhere may be besieged by clients who don't know how to handle the gift of wildly enhanced vitality. I doubt there'll be many complaints from you Aries folks, though: Mars is your ruling planet. While other signs may be held hostage by lust, anger, competition, and blind ambition, you'll know exactly what to do with that all that extra mojo.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): This week Mars is closer to Earth than it has been since cavemen roamed the earth. It also happens to be midway through a five-month sojourn in your astrological House of Networking, which is its longest stay since 1956. Because the red planet invigorates everything it influences, you could very well be a whiz at winning friends and influencing people from now until December. But keep in mind that unless you respond with all your passionate ingenuity to the arousing Martian energy, it may also have a disruptive effect. Here's your rule of thumb: Go all the way, give everything you have, and don't hold back.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20):Do you think you'd enjoy being able to focus all your ambitions in one overarching dream? Can you imagine what it might be like not to feel your desires split in five different directions? While your predilection for versatility and vacillation isn't necessarily a bad thing, Gemini, it might be interesting at some point in your life to explore the ferocious pleasures of single-mindedness. It so happens that now is a perfect moment to launch such an exploration. Mars, the planet that rules willpower and determination, is currently expressing tremendous force in your astrological House of Total Commitment. There has rarely been a better time for you to stabilize your purpose and steel your resolve.
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at firstname.lastname@example.org.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): The largest mountain on Mars, Olympus Mons, is almost three times the size of Mount Everest. It should serve as your sacred symbol of power in the coming months. Why? Because the red planet is now pouring extra mojo into your astrological House of Exploration, and will continue to do so through mid December. You will have the ability to pull off frontier adventures that are equivalent to climbing to the top of Olympus Mons. For a picture of Olympus Mons, go here: http://sprite.phys.ncku.edu. tw/~astrolab/mirrors/apod_e/ap9 70915.html.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): It's a perfect moment to purge romantic karma left over from the old days. You shouldn't go another week without doing a ritual to dissolve the bad memories, lingering resentments, and ancient wounds that have continued to tweak your intimate relationships. It's also prime time to kill off your outdated dogmas about gender roles and to blow up any obstacles that interfere with your ability to experience total sexual pleasure. How can I be so sure you're ready for these fate-mutating transitions? Mars, the planet of creative destruction, is currently bringing its tough love to your astrological House of Sexy Emotions. I predict that it will liberate you from influences that prevent you from finding more beautiful and flagrant ways to enjoy your libido.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Astronomers are uncertain about how brightly Mars will glow in the sky this week. It'll be as close as it ever gets to both earth and sun, and should theoretically be a dazzling beacon. But there's a possibility that huge dust storms will sweep the planet, increasing its reflectivity and boosting its illumination even further. Due to astrological factors that would take too long to explain here, I predict that you Virgos will be as shiny and brilliant as Mars, and that any storms passing your way will only make you shinier and more brilliant.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Mars is not only a heavenly body, but also an aspect of your psyche. Your inner Mars consists of your ambition, animal energy, willpower, and sex drive. By reading the movements of the red planet in the sky, we astrologers can make educated guesses about the state of the Mars force within you. Here's my analysis: Your ambition will get back on track now if you give it a chiropractic-like adjustment; your animal energy will return to full vitality if you stop doing the careless thing that's weakening it; your willpower has been muted by the consequences of a past mistake, but you now have the insight to correct the mistake; your sex drive is not as pure and strong as it could be, but will become so if you will just get clearer about what really turns you on.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Michel Gauquelin (1928-1991) was a French statistician and psychologist who set out to prove astrology is bunk. To his surprise, he found some scientific evidence demonstrating its validity. One striking discovery was the Mars Effect: There is a significant probability of world-class athletes and military leaders being born when the red planet is rising in the sky. I believe you Scorpios are now benefiting from a variation on this phenomenon. Mars, which is one of your astrological rulers, is closer to Earth than it has been in 60,000 years. It is also in the midst of a rare five-month visit to your House of Creative Self-Expression. I believe that not only means you are extra fertile; you're also at the peak of your physical vigor and your ability to emerge victorious in competitive struggles.