This week's "signature" drinks special cheers a bevy of well-crafted cocktails. This column, however, warns you of a bar masquerading as a "specialty" cocktail loungewhose only forte is cheapness. The first thing you'll likely encounter at this faux-chic pleather-and-Formica Ikea-sample-sale nightmare is queen-sized bitchiness from an uncaring service industry burnout. Shouldn't a bar called "the Cocktail Room" with a glossy 10-page drink menu be all about the finely made libations? Apparently they offer chintzy, poorly made, half-assed concoctions instead. When asked why the drinks ordered were only vaguely similar to those on the menuorange, rose petal, chocolate-covered raspberries, sugar-on-rim garnishes all M.I.A. and mashed ingredients not mashedthe rocket scientist bartender blathered, "Those are only descriptions. We give you our variations of those drinks so as to not give out our secret recipes." Sorry dipshit, the secret's outthis bar's a rip-off.