By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): "Modern woman's premenstrual crankiness is not just a physical syndrome," writes Clarissa Pinkola Estes in her book Women Who Run With the Wolves, "but is equally attributable to her being thwarted in her need to take enough time to revivify and renew herself." I would add my belief that men get cranky as often as women, and for the same reason: There are no ritually sanctified time-outs built into our crazy-making schedules. None of us has the slack necessary to avoid periodic meltdowns. This is a crucial point you cannot afford to ignore, Sagittarius. You're overdue for a sabbatical from your routine.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You're emotionally healthy right now. Your mental hygiene is as good as it's possible to be. To celebrate: Share the wealth; commit vivid acts of generosity. Be discriminating about where you bestow your blessings, though. Since you can't help and save everyone, concentrate your attention on high-functioning people who will in turn multiply your gifts as they help and save others.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): A few years ago a group of smartass nerds hosted a jokey International Conference on Mad Science. They called for the submission of papers on topics like "tampering with the life-sustaining forces of the Universe," "exceeding the limitations of the human body via grotesque metamorphoses," and "ill-advised dabbling with supernatural intelligences." I hereby protest their slanderous satire. The eccentric yet often brilliant experiments of the Aquarian tribe suggest that some forms of mad science result in good and beautiful works. And it is a perfect astrological moment for you to prove me right. You're poised to collaborate ingeniously with the life-sustaining forces of the universe, transcend limitations through graceful metamorphoses, and enjoy useful communications with supernatural intelligences.
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at firstname.lastname@example.org.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): The last six weeks have been brought to you by BeerCoffee, the elixir that both relaxes your defenses and pumps up your ambition. You've been the perfect poster child for this amazing producta dramatic example of what happens when a sensitive soul mellows out and gets excited at the same time. The good folks at BeerCoffee thank you for your excellent role modeling, and wish you well during the next phase of your development, when you'll be exploring the opportunities that have been blasted open by your paradoxical brilliance.