By Alex Distefano
By Scott Snowden
By Anna Merlan
By Steve Almond
By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Walk into the hills or woods and find a large rock jutting up out of the earth in a place that makes you feel at home. Sit down on or next to that rock and let go of the tightly wound emotions you've been holding onto. Sob or sigh or babble until you achieve a spiritual orgasm that will clear your mind of all its gunk and free you to make the decision you've been postponing. Ever hereafter you will call this the Crying Rock, and you will go there whenever you need the kind of release that only a beloved natural power spot can facilitate.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): If a friend or companion is pregnant, buy her some lingerie. If people close to you are depressed, take them to a karaoke bar and insist that they sing in public. If you're feeling cautious and superstitious, book a flight to an island paradise or learn to ride a motorcycle. If you're afraid you're running out of good ideas, start writing a booklet entitled, "My Inexhaustible Supply of Good Ideas." Are you catching my drift, Capricorn? To capitalize on the odd opportunities fate will bring you this week, you should definitely not go with the flow.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Many of you feel that you're only truly yourself if others see you as you want to be seen. But this week I suggest you try out a different perspective. It's hinted at by Suzan-Lori Parks in her play Topdog/Underdog: "Yr only yrself when no one's watching." Who are you when you're alone, Aquarius? Turn off your awareness of what everyone thinks about you. Listen only to the clues arising from your silent depths.
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at firstname.lastname@example.org.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20):Back in the days when I could afford employees, one of them dreamed up a witty ad campaign for my expanded audio horoscopes. The headline was "Rob Brezsny's astrological advice is like Viagra for the soul!" A week after the first ads appeared, I got a letter from the lawyers of the pharmaceutical company that manufactures the real Viagra. "Cease and desist using our trademarked brand name," it said, "or we will sue your ass." (I'm paraphrasing.) My campaign came to a dead stop, and I vowed never again to borrow a corporate fetish for my own marketing purposes. Carefully, then, I make the following announcement: What life brings you in the coming weeks will be like Viagra for your soul.
Homework: The media love bad news because they think it's more interesting than good news. Is it? Send your interesting good news to me at beautyandtruth.com