By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
ARIES (March 21-April 19): To prepare you for your upcoming encounters with inexpressible mystery, I offer you the words of Alexander Solzhenitsyn from his Nobel Prize acceptance speech. "Not everything has a name," he said. "Some things lead us into a realm beyond words . . . to revelations unattainable by reason. It is like that small mirror in fairy talesyou glance in it and what you see is not yourself; for an instant you glimpse the Inaccessible, where no magic carpet can take you. And the soul cries out for it."
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): "Do one thing that scares you every day," counsels novelist Kurt Vonnegut. That's easy for a risk-loving Scorpio like him to say, but is it good advice for you Tauruses, who typically thrive on peace and safety? At most other times, I would say no; I'd suggest you force yourself to face your fears no more than once a month. But the coming weeks are shaping up as a departure from your usual rhythms. You can do a lot to ensure your long-term peace and safety through regular encounters with unpredictable experiences that will scare up your hidden reserves of courage.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): At one point in Steve Martin's novella The Pleasure of My Company, the main character, Daniel, says, "The real me and a false one were competing against each other." San Francisco Chronicle reviewer David Kipen comments, "You could easily read the whole novella as the story of this competition between real and false Daniels." I think we can apply a similar description to your adventures in the coming weeks, Gemini: The deep, genuine version of you will be struggling for supremacy with the artificial, fragmented one.
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at email@example.com.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): "Dear Mr. Brezsny: I'm a feminist in a post-feminist era, a warrior poet when poetry is considered irrelevant in war, and a lone wolf amid yapping coyotes. I've been a firefighter, journalist, and janitorand damn good at all three, not that anybody noticed. My questions are: Why is my success with men like that of a goat trying to herd trucks? Why is the only luck I ever have the 'avoided the falling piano at the last second' kind? Are there any cake raffle winnings in my future?Anti-Heroic Crab" Dear Anti-Heroic: The mournful conditions you described will take a turn for the better when you devote a concentrated time to becoming emotionally self-sufficient. During that period, vow to draw all the love you need from either yourself or whatever passes for God or Goddess in your world. Now would be the perfect moment to begin.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Clarissa Pinkola Estes is a psychotherapist and cantadora, "a keeper of the old stories." She believes that feeding the soul with nourishing tales is a great healing art. And what constitutes a "nourishing" tale? Her repertoire is filled with myths and fairy tales that "cut fine wide doors in previous blank walls, openings that lead to the dreamland, that lead to love and learning, that lead us back to our own real lives." I advise you to get some of this good stuff, Leo. Feast on unpredictable stories that replenish your innocence and rekindle your sense of wonder. Estes's book, Women Who Run With the Wolves, has some good ones. Try "Skeleton Woman" or "Sealskin, Soulskin."
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Charlie's Angels star Cameron Diaz, born under the sign of Virgo, hates to give autographs to fans. She's so notorious that Autograph Collectormagazine named her the least approachable celebrity entertainer. Another Virgo luminary, Shannon Elizabeth, was ranked right behind Diaz in her stinginess. To redeem your tribe's reputation, I urge you to give away your autograph to anyone and everyone in the coming week. Such a generous display would also dovetail nicely with the astrological omens, which suggest you should engage in playful acts that make you feel like a star.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Many plants used for prescription drugs originate in tropical rainforests. Do their endangered ecosystems therefore harbor other healing herbs that are as yet undiscovered? Probably. But a recent study suggests that weeds growing in easily accessible places near human settlements may be an equally important source of medicine. The Journal of Ethnopharmacology reports that the Highland Mayans of Chiapas "rely almost exclusively on disturbed areas for medicinal plants, even in communities that are adjacent to stands of primary forest." I offer up this intriguing scenario as an apt metaphor for you in the coming days. The best goodies are more likely to be close at hand in the midst of familiar clutter, not in far-off enclaves of peace and plenty. (Thanks to eurekalert.org for this info.)
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): To supply the newsprint for the average Sunday edition of The New York Times, about 63,000 trees must die. Is that a worthy sacrifice? Maybe. To keep your body fueled with caffeine for a year, upwards of a thousand plants must give up their lives. Is that a worthy sacrifice? Possibly. To make sure your freshly hatched dream will ultimately reach full bloom, at least three of your tired old illusions will have to croak. Is that a worthy sacrifice? Hell, yes. Let the mercy killing begin.