NY Mirror

Yet another West Twenties funfest was thwarted when my press invite for Crobar's opening night resulted in more door grief—namely a goon screaming that I should get at the end of a long line of other goons. For this shit heap? I don't think so, especially since the line was mainly there because I've been hyping the place. Finger my asshole!

Anyway, darlings, it was back to the movies for the new Lord of the Rings—the most spook-tacular epic ever made; don't miss the flaming-vagina climax, not to mention the burning looks between Frodo and Sam—where I sat near Daniel Tay, Will Ferrell's kid brother in Elf and a real hoot. As I listened in, Tay and his friend were giggling and talking about Ritalin! When an announcement was made asking people to turn off cell phones and cameras, Tay smirked and said, "I'm confused. No hablo inglés. No comprendo." And when the flick was over, he moaned, "Oh my God! Three hours and 20 minutes. Oh my God!" Maybe they can use that in the ads.

Don't use this, but a source swears Cameron Diaz will be surfing in Chile for a cable reality show. Meanwhile, I've been Web surfing and found that if you Google "miserable failure" and hit "I'm Feeling Lucky," you get the official White House bio of President George W. Bush! Yay—I needed to laugh again.

SPECIAL TO THE WEB: Remember the gay channel that MTV and Showtime were going to collaborate on, the one that's been more on-again, off-again than "Bennifer"? Well, thanks to all that Queer Eye hoopla, it's on again—for sure. Sources swear the channel's been green-lighted and its launch will probably coincide with next June's Gay Pride celebrations. I hear only MTV is involved now, not Showtime, and it'll be advertiser-supported, not the special-order pay channel that was originally planned. Whatever—just show me to my dressing room already.


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