By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Thirty-six-year-old Dale Peck is an author with an extremely high sense of self-worth. He has written several novels that he describes as "among the best books published in the last 10 years." He has also penned many book reviews replete with caustic and derisive dismissals of modern literary giants, including Faulkner, Nabokov, DeLillo, Barthelme, and Pynchon. He calls James Joyce's Ulysses "diarrheic flow" and rips Rick Moody as "the worst writer of his generation." I bring Peck to your attention, Sagittarius, because I believe you should study him as a model of both what to do and what not to do in 2004. Aspire to achieve his abundant confidence, yes, but root it in self-love, not a contemptuous sense of superiority toward others.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): San Francisco Chronicle columnist Tom Sienstra writes about the great outdoors. He sometimes makes long-term weather forecasts by analyzing natural phenomena like the quality of red onion skins, the thickness of winter coats on coyotes and deer, and the difference between sea and land temperatures in coastal areas. I, too, like to factor in clues like this with my astrological evaluations. To gauge your prospects for the coming months, I've gathered information on eagle nests, the horns of mountain goats, and cloud patterns over wild places with no roads. I conclude that for you to be in maximum harmony with cosmic rhythms in 2004, you should spend a lot of time wandering in the great outdoors.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): As an Aquarius, you have a tendency to be ahead of your time. Sometimes that's an asset, like when you readily embrace good changes that less adventurous people are afraid of. But on other occasions it's a liability, like when you figure out solutions to budding problems that no one else is even aware of yet. I believe this kind of disjunction will happen with regularity in 2004. Your first reaction may be to feel frustrated. "I have the answer," you'll feel like screaming at your cohorts, "to the question you people desperately need to ask!" Here's some advice about how to avoid this crazy-making situation: Accept the fact that it will be just as important to sell your brilliant solution as to come up with it in the first place.
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at email@example.com.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): After having dined at the Urasawa sushi bar in Los Angeles, I'm prepared to give you advice about your love life in 2004. It should have a lot in common with the sake I drank there: delicate yet potent, so unique as to be almost (but not quite) strange, enjoyed most when sipped slowly, and made from individually polished grains of rice grown next to sacred groves of sakaki trees and fed by an ancient underground spring.
Make a list of your anti-resolutions. What weird habits, incorrigible vices, and controversial actions do you promise to cultivate in 2003? beautyandtruth.com