By Alex Distefano
By Scott Snowden
By Anna Merlan
By Steve Almond
By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Happy Valentine Daze, Sagittarius! After careful meditation about what advice might beautify and elevate your love life, I've decided to offer you these insights. (1) "We are not the same person this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person." W. Somerset Maugham (2) "People often start by falling in love, and they go on for years without realizing that love must change into some other love which is unlike the original." Iris Murdoch (3) "Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new." Ursula K. Le Guin (4) "A successful marriage is an edifice that must be rebuilt every day." André Maurois.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Happy Valentine Daze, Capricorn! After careful meditation about what advice might fertilize your love life, I've decided to alert you to two practical principles. The first comes to you courtesy of philosopher Rollo May: "We receive love roughly in proportion to our capacity to love." In other words: To be adored more, adore more. Your second utilitarian theorem was immortalized by the character Dicky Fox in the movie Jerry Maguire. "If you don't love everybody," he said, "you can't sell anybody." In other words: Your most effective strategy for getting what you want is to feel tender affection for the whole world.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Happy Valentine Daze, Aquarius! After careful meditation about how I might help you perfect your love life, I've decided that all you need is my authorization to be more mercurial and improvisational. So here's a Turkish proverb for you to try on for size: "To prepare for love, learn to run through snow, leaving no footprints." Next, see how much fun you can stir up by taking to heart this Italian proverb: "Love rules without rules." Finally, Aquarius, experiment with this advice from the motivational author Sark: "Love imperfectly. Be a love idiot. Let yourself forget any love ideal."
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at firstname.lastname@example.org.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Happy Valentine Daze, Pisces! After careful meditation about what advice might enrich your love life, I've decided you need a more joyously rowdy and rambunctious approach to togetherness. Consider the possibility of making love with funny hats on while watching The Simpsons, or shaving each other in the bathtub while singing tunes from Broadway musicals, or getting naked at the breakfast table and trying to throw Cheerios into each other's mouths while an instructional CD on how to speak Esperanto plays in the background.
Homework: Send love letters, flowery poetry, lavish adorations, and gourmet chocolates to me at P.O. Box 150628, San Rafael, CA 94915.