100 Hottest Hotties

Sex Drive Outpaces Death Drive as the Biz Goes Down the Toilet

SEAN CARRUTHERS
Toronto, Ontario

Ladies and gentlemen, we got him. It took 10 years to find a suspect in the rape and murder of Gits singer Mia Zapata, 27. Thanks to DNA evidence, on January 11, 2003, a suspect was charged. The news triggered an impulse to vomit rather than sigh relief.

JEANNE FURY
Brooklyn, New York

So, uh, is R. Kelly even in trouble at this point? How long does it take to go to trial in Cook County, couple 30 years, or what?

JEFF JOHNSON
Manhattan

What Stacy's mom's solo album would sound like: Liz Phair.

What Stacy's dad's solo album would sound like: Rod Stewart, As Time Goes By . . . .

What Stacy's solo album would sound like before she heard "Stacy's Mom": the Donnas, Spend the Night.

What Stacy's solo album would sound like after she heard "Stacy's Mom": the Distillers, Coral Fang.

AMY PHILLIPS
Manhattan

Karen O is cool. She doesn't want to meet my mama, she just wants to be my Bananarama. She is hot-blooded, she is cold as ice, she is Girl George, she is Beyoncé the Valley of the Dolls. To tell the truth, I wouldn't introduce Karen to my mama anyway, not without a chaperone, because Mom's still happily in love with Dad and I'm not taking any risks.

ROB SHEFFIELD
Brooklyn, New York

Love octagon of the year: the feisty Brody Dalle, the stealthy Josh Homme, the busy Dave Grohl, the late Kurt Cobain, the confused Courtney Love, the multifaceted Linda Perry, the missundaztood Pink, and the dejected Tim Armstrong. In their family portrait they look pretty crappy.

MIKAEL WOOD
Manhattan

I played Anthony Hamilton nonstop for girlfriends, neighbors, and musicians, not to mentionthat man I probably still love but shouldn't.

AMY LINDEN
Brooklyn, New York

So now the young Black man, having waxed so eloquently about guns, blunts, and be-a-tches, will speak of love. Of biblical love and filial love, undesirable love and unrequited love, terrifying love and heavenly love, of Hottentot Madonna love and other hookerlicious oxymoronic forms of love, of goddess cult love, of love for hearth and home and of love cast out into the wilderness. Andre 3000 y'all.

GREG TATE
Manhattan

Dear Postal Service "Singing" over "beats"? That's called "r&b," crackers. Better withdraw that patent application.

JON CARAMANICA
Manhattan

I saw Junior Senior perform four times, and each time they gave me that this-is-why-I've-dedicated-my-life-to-music rush belying all the fears of a year that suggests the culture and industry upon which my profession is founded is going down the toilet.

BARRY WALTERS
San Francisco, California

Postal Service, M83, Matmos, Matthew Dear, Fennesz, Ellen Allien, even self-dethroning Radiohead reached a new symbiosis between consumer-grade electronics, the dystopian technological now-future, and the romantic bedroom artist.

DAPHNE CARR
Providence, Rhode Island

Every year is a great year for music because music is a language delivery system evolving at the speed of technology.

GEORGE PETROS
Manhattan

I'm biding time till Apple releases an "iRecord Store Clerk"who can scowl at me and ridicule my every purchase. Then I'm on board.

JERRY DANNEMILLER
Columbus, Ohio

One thing I've never seen remarked about Lester Bangs is his two prescient heavenly-jukebox fantasies. He used the image of a catacomb housing every album ever released, and he imagined a future with TV channels showing Sun Ra jamming with Iggy and every movie ever released in perfect chronological order.

MICHAEL DADDINO
Manhattan

Can I cast a Pazz & Jop vote for my iPod? For the La Monte Young double-CD-R sets at Other Music, which a clerk told me were "semi-legal"? For exclusive downloads on the Steve Jobs Music Store? For my friend Rich's year-end mix CD?

ROB TANNENBAUM
Manhattan

Very little is so grim that it can't be made thrilling by pop, because pop's only duty is to thrill. The Minister for Culture declared that U.K. Garage glamorized violence: well, yes, of course it glamorized violence. It set violence to the sound of PlayStations having a cockfight. Pop in 2003 also glamorized sex, love, war, getting angry about war, getting high, getting dumped, and itself. Business as usual, then.

TOM EWING
London, England

Music is about God to me, and God definitely has a sense of humor.

PAM WINTERS
Churchton, Maryland

In homage to Jay-Z, I'd like to say: Thank you God my personal savior, whether you are man woman or simply energy, the omniscient ether making me the best list-maker on earth, and forcing all those other unfortunate suckas to step up their game once I am gone. You are truly divine.

JULIANNE SHEPHERD
Portland, Oregon

What separates White Stripes and OutKast from other notionally mainstream artists is that neither is daunted by the obligation to make transcendent music. For them, mythic significance is just another cool toy to play with.

MARTIN JOHNSON
Manhattan

In a year when American culture sucked cigarette butts through a lint screen, music sucked less than anything else—less than TV, less than the movies, less than the news media. It's the only corner of pop culture where the sex drive outpaced the death drive.

ROB SHEFFIELD
Brooklyn, New York

My only request to the 21st-century recording industry remains: "Astonish me!"

CAROL COOPER
Manhattan

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