By Alex Distefano
By Scott Snowden
By Anna Merlan
By Steve Almond
By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Do you ever feel an urge to kiss trees? Do animals sometimes talk to you? Can you predict the future by divining the way cornflakes float in the last puddle of milk in your bowl? Do you have a special fascination with chocolate roosters, statues of pro wrestlers, and conspiracy theories? Have you ever fantasized about being a transsexual spy? Are there patterns that resemble constellations on the soles of your feet? If you answered yes to two or more of these questions, you're most likely an extraterrestrial who has amnesia or is in disguise. The upcoming week will be fantastic because events will remind you of life on your home planet. If you answered no to four or more questions, you're probably not an alien, but for maximum comfort you should act like one this week.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20):The world's largest private bank, Citigroup, has agreed to stop financing projects that damage sensitive ecosystems. It has promised to invest more in projects that use renewable energy and to pursue policies that protect indigenous people. How did this impossible dream come to pass? The humble but dogged environmental group Rainforest Action Network creatively pestered Citigroup for years until the corporation gave in to its demands. I see a comparable David-over-Goliath victory in your future, Taurus, so keep plugging away at your quixotic quest. For inspiration, recall Margaret Mead's words: "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has."
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): If you live in the Northern Hemisphere, the sun is rising about a minute earlier each morning and setting a minute later every evening. As a result, you're drinking in about 15 minutes more sunlight every week. The psychological effect of this steady influx has been slowly growing and, in concert with certain astrological influences, will soon reach critical mass. As a result, you will become sun-like: a luminous beacon of warmth. Everything you shine upon will look brighter, and your own beauty will be highly visible, too. It will be a perfect time, therefore, to make a dramatic move that helps you pursue your dreams harder and smarter.
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QUANTUM FLUX (ALSO KNOWN AS CANCER)(June 21-July 22): Many people have come to feel that nature is boring, notes educator Thomas Poplawski. Writing in Renewal magazine, he fingers TV's hyperactive imagery as the cause. In becoming addicted to this alternative reality, the mass audience has become numb to the more slow-paced entertainment value of trees and mountains and streams and clouds. Have you been contaminated? Has your capacity for patient observation and reverent objectivity been damaged? If so, this is a perfect astrological moment to seek the cure. I urge you to wander out into the wild places and stay there until you see how interesting they are.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): If you eventually become a millionaire philanthropist at some later date, it will probably be because of the forces you set in motion during the next three weeks. If, in the 22nd century, there arises a religious cult that worships you as a sex god or love goddess, it will be because of a seed you germinate very soon. Finally, Leo, if you are ultimately destined to discover the key to eternal youth, it will have a lot to do with the spacious new question you begin to ask now. These are days of awe and mystery.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): In order to live, you've got to be a demolisher. You take plants and animals that were once alive and rip them apart with your teeth, then disintegrate them in your digestive system. Your body is literally on fire inside, burning up oxygen you suck into your lungs. You didn't actually cut down the trees used to make your house and furniture, but you colluded with their demise. Then there's the psychological liquidation you've done: killing off old beliefs you've outgrown, for instance. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, Virgojust pointing out that you have a lot of experience with positive expressions of destruction. Can you think of other forms this magic takes? It's your specialty these days.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): It's a perfect time to launch an uprising against God. Due to a favorable alignment of your sign, the "rebel goddess" asteroid Lilith, and Cruithne, Earth's "second moon," you have special leeway with the Supreme Being. It's almost certain that you won't be punished if you bitch and complain to Him about the injustices He has allowed to fester in your life. In fact, expressing your angry protest may even get things changed for the better. Sometimes the squeaky wheel really does get the grease, even in divine matters.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Some branches of Eastern religions teach the doctrine "Kill out desire." In their view, yearning for earthly pleasures is at the root of all human suffering. The Western religion of materialism takes the opposite tack, asserting that the meaning of life is to be found in enjoying earthly pleasures. Its message is "Feed your raw longings like a French foie gras farmer cramming eight pounds of maize down a goose's gullet every day." We here at Free Will Astrology walk a middle path. We believe there are many degrading desires that enslave you and a few sacred desires that liberate you. Your mission in the coming weeks, Scorpio, is to identify the sacred kind and pursue them with your wild heart unleashed.