By Jared Chausow
By Katie Toth
By Elizabeth Flock
By Albert Samaha
By Anna Merlan
By Jon Campbell
By Jon Campbell
By Albert Samaha
ARIES (March 21-April 19): For months now, you've been cultivating a more mature relationship with obstacles. You've begun to see them less as punishments doled out by an unfair universe and more as interesting, growth-inducing challenges provided by a generous universe. If you do nothing else but master this perspective in the next eight months, I'll declare 2004 a success. Are you ready for the next big breakthrough in your noble struggle to refine how you struggle?
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): "Bolivia has no ocean, but it has admirals done up like Lord Nelson," writes Eduardo Galeano in The Book of Embraces. "Lima, Peru has no rain, but it has peaked roofs with gutters. In Managua, Nicaragua, one of the hottest cities in the world, there are mansions flaunting magnificent fireplaces." Are there any anomalies like these in your world? Tools for jobs you never do? Luxuries you don't use? Elaborate structures that have no purpose? Either rethink your relationship to them or phase them out.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You will soon come across numerous clues about the Great Riddle of Your Lifeyou know, the brain-teasing, heart-stretching enigma that will take years for you to solve completely. So be alert! Revelations may arrive from unexpected sources and inadvertent teachers. Even seemingly insignificant events may be pregnant with pithy hints. To cultivate the right kind of receptivity, be on the lookout not only for crisp answers, but also for ideas about how to formulate the Great Riddle more clearly. PS: Keep an image of a sphinx near you at all times. It'll help supercharge your intuition.
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
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Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at email@example.com.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Your trust was violated in the past, and you still feel the wound. You keep it in the background of your awareness, fascinated with the way it never really heals. Though I sympathize, I want you to know that it's time to move on. Your horrified disbelief about having been treated so badly is close to becoming just another bad habit. Your instinct for self-protection is threatening to devolve into indulgent self-pity. What should you do? The first thing is to forgive yourself for the blindness that put you in the path of those who betrayed you. The second step is to restore your trust in yourself. Third, find a way to feel gratitude for those who abused your trust. Yes, you heard me right: Be thankful for all they taught you about how to become yourself.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): When he invented the first Western printing press in the 15th century, Johannes Gutenberg used it to fashion frivolous little things like sets of playing cards. Only later did he put it to work mass-producing books, turning it into a revolutionary tool for disseminating information. I foresee a similar evolution for you in the coming weeks, Leo. In the early going, you'll employ a wonderful new resource in a relatively impractical way; or maybe a big, fresh idea will first appear in a trivial context. Not to worry, though. After the initial false starts and wasteful experiments, you will ultimately discover an elegant use for your innovation. Be patient.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): If you're willing, life will soon offer you not just a fleeting glimpse but a penetrating gaze at what has been concealed. You'll be invited to shed your preconceptions and come face-to-face with hidden agendas, missing links, and fertile secrets. If you'd rather not accept life's overture to strip away pretenses, please forget you ever read this horoscope. To retain it in your memory would interfere with your enjoyment of the pretty packaging that veils the slightly disturbing, totally invigorating contents inside.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Just as I have little patience for people who perpetuate ethnic stereotypes, I also cringe at astrologers who assume that all Libras are unflappably gracious, obsessed with relationships, and unable to make up their minds. While there is a grain of truth in those characterizations, they're oppressive if regarded as immutable cosmic law. You need the freedom to complain now and then, especially when a situation has become so filled with deception and illusion that it's hurting people. To remain unflappably gracious in the face of a mess like that would be wrong. Likewise, on occasion you need to forget what's best for a relationship and instead concentrate on what's best for you. This is one of those times, Libra, when you have license to rebel against astrology's stereotypes.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): An image of the Virgin Mary materialized on the window of a home in Ohio. That, at least, is what an imaginative neighbor believed, though the occupants themselves were apathetic. But the neighbor spread the word, and soon pilgrims were coming from afar to be in the presence of the "miracle." A blind woman regained her sight; a man in a wheelchair walked for the first time in eight years; a six-year-old child with life-threatening asthma breathed freely again. Then the maid came. It was her regular day to work. The homeowners neglected to tell her not to clean the special window, and she did. The blessed image disappeared and the crowd dispersed. Moral of the story, Scorpio: The magic that comes your way this week might be a bit messyindeed, it might even rise out of a mess. Don't clean it up.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Evangelical Christian TV personality Pat Robertson says God told him that George W. Bush will win the U.S. presidential election in a landslide. That's odd, because God told me the exact opposite: Bush will be out of office and sitting on the board of Halliburton by February 2005. To my knowledge, Robertson has not yet commented on the upcoming binge of intelligent fun and righteous pleasure that astrologers are predicting for you Sagittarians. My guess, though, is that his God wouldn't approve. My God, on the other hand, predicts that you will generate good karma as you have a sweet, boisterous time.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): An entrepreneur approached me with a proposal. "Your work should be getting out to a bigger audience. The masses are starving for your message. That's why you need me. With my marketing machine, your name could become as recognizable as Deepak Chopra's. Let's build an entertainment conglomerate and hawk a hundred Rob Brezsny-style products." "Nah," I said. "People come to me seeking sanctuary from hype. They know I won't smack them upside the head with relentless sales pitches." I urge you to adopt a similar attitude in the coming week. Let everyone relax in your presence, knowing they won't be hustled, cajoled, or manipulated.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): The Golden Rule is a decent ethical principle, but it could be even better. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" presumes that others like what you like. But that's laughably naive and potentially a big mistake. There are many things you would like to have done unto you that others would either despise or be bored by. Here's a new, improved formulation, which we'll call the Platinum Rule: Do unto others as they would like to have you do unto them. Of course, these are always powerful words to live by, Aquarius, but especially now. It's time to take your integrity to the next level.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Contrary to the assumptions of misinformed "skeptics," real astrology has nothing to do with the stars, except for one star: our sun. The 12 signs of the zodiac don't correspond to constellations, but demarcate symbolic phases of the cyclic relationship between the sun and Earth. Here's another correction of one of the skeptics' many misunderstandings: Astrology is an art, not a science. While it does have a logical coherency and can be of great use in understanding the mystery of our lives, it's not a precise body of facts based on repeatable experiments. It's a mythic language that trains our imaginations to be aware of the links between our inner world and the outer world. Take inspiration from my words as you fight back against those who judge and criticize you even though they don't understand you.
HOMEWORK What do you need to be rescued from? Who would you prefer to perform the rescue? Write: beautyandtruth.com