By Alex Distefano
By Scott Snowden
By Anna Merlan
By Steve Almond
By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): It's time to update that pessimistic set of formulas known as Murphy's Laws. In the old version, the rule was: "If anything can go wrong, it will." The new, improved version, which you will soon exemplify, is: "If anything can go wrong, it will, but in correcting it you will stumble upon a lucky break you wouldn't have encountered otherwise." Here are other Murphy's Laws to revise, Sagittarius. Old version: "Everything takes longer than you think." New version: "Everything takes longer than you think, which is a good thing, because if it took only as long as you thought, you wouldn't be doing it right." Old version: "You will always find something in the last place you look." New version: "You will often find something in the last place you look, but along the way you'll discover a valuable item you didn't realize was missing."
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): If you're average, 90 industrial compounds and pollutants are circulating through your body. You also have the residues of 20 million advertisements and 200,000 televised acts of violence stored in your brain. That's the bad news. The good news is that you'll soon have an abundance of experiences that are highly effective at neutralizing toxins: encounters with play, delight, and love. Rejoice in the fact that every time you grin, giggle, or chuckle in the coming weeks, you'll purge a nasty influence that had been sapping your energy. A single belly laugh could flush out 50,000 commercials.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): John Goldhammer is a psychotherapist who specializes in working with patients' dreams. Over the course of 25 years, he has concluded that there is one sure way to free yourself from a recurring nightmare: Stop running away from the monster that's chasing you. The moment you're able to change your behavior in the dreamto turn and face the monster, maybe even embrace it or give it a giftthe haunting will end; you'll never have the nightmare again. I'd like you to apply this approach in your waking life, Aquarius: Turn and face the uncomfortable truth that's plaguing you. Maybe even express your love and gratitude for it.
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at firstname.lastname@example.org.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Geminis often get credited with being the most versatile sign of the zodiac, but you Pisceans are strong competitors for the title. These days, in fact, your patron saint is the recently deceased George Plimpton. That chameleon-like bon vivant, who had four planets in Pisces, was not only a writer. He also performed as a circus trapeze artist and stand-up comedian, played percussion in a symphony, drove race cars, acted in movies and TV, and competed in exhibition games with professional boxers and football players. Are you ready to claim more of your astrological potential with a Plimpton-like exuberance?
HOMEWORKOf all the ridiculous situations you've ever been in, which one is your favorite? Testify at beautyandtruth.com