By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Don't camp next to a forest fire or go on a picnic where mad bulls roam. OK, Sagittarius? Don't play with matches next to a gasoline pump, either, or fly a kite in a lightning storm, or feed steroids to the monsters under your bed. In fact, I suggest that you take fewer risks than you normally might. Whenever you feel a surge of daredevil energy, turn it inward and direct it at the mental blocks that have been messing with your creativity.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): It's an astrologically favorable time to expand your repertoire of pleasurable activities. The hidden forces of fate will bring you luck and synchronicity when you set aside your familiar old amusements and experiment with fresh ones. For example, whatever your favorite sexual positions or techniques are, you should consider retiring them for a couple of weeks while you branch out. Same with desserts, intoxicants, games, and getaways: Try anything different at least once. Drink some of that new chocolate beer. Get stroked by two massage therapists simultaneously. Schedule a singing lesson on a mountaintop or a flying lesson in your dreams.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Is there anything more dangerous than getting up in the morning and having nothing to worry about, no problems to solve, no friction to heat you up? That state can be a threat to your health, because if untreated it incites an unconscious yearning for any old dumb trouble that might generate some excitement. I'm concerned that you might fall into this trap in the coming week, Aquarius. To ensure that you don't, go hunt down some useful and fascinating trouble as soon as possible.
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at firstname.lastname@example.org.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Late last year, the DJ Danger Mouse made a record that blended vocals from rap star Jay-Z's Black Album with instrumental tracks lifted from the Beatles' White Album. The result, which he called the Grey Album, was praised by Rolling Stone as "the ultimate remix record" and "an ingenious hip-hop record that sounds oddly ahead of its time." Your assignment in the coming weeks, Pisces, is to join together seemingly unrelated elements to create a combination that's as interesting and innovative as Danger Mouse's. There's one way I hope your effort will be different from his, however. Because he didn't have authorization to use the Beatles' material, the Grey Album can never be commercially released. Your work, on the other hand, should be legal, kosher, and karmically impeccable.