By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): The placebo effect is a well-known but little understood phenomenon in medical science. Studies have shown that up to a third of all sick people feel better after receiving pills with no active ingredients. The reason may lie in the body's powerful instinct to participate in its own healing. When it believes help is on the way in the form of medication, it joins in by releasing endorphins, the natural opiates that induce relaxation and a sense of well-being. These thoughts lead me to my analysis of your astrological omens, Sagittarius: I believe that your current ailments, both physical and psychological, are exactly the kind that are most responsive to placebo cures. So load up! M&M's are effective, I've found, as are Pez candy and the little white pills contained in toy doctors' kits.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Here's how cartoonist Matt Groening feels about love: "Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun." Here, on the other hand, is what composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart believed: "Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius." My analysis of the astrological omens leads me to suspect that in the coming weeks your life will be a vivid embodiment of one of those two definitions, Capricorn. Which will win out? The outcome will have nothing to do with blind fate. It'll depend entirely on whether you choose to play romantic games or devote yourself to the highest form of love you can imagine.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): What if I told you that you can change the past? It's true, Aquarius. You now have power over your memories. It's a perfect moment to adjust them, correct them, and reconfigure them so they will serve you better in the future. You're also in a good position to declare your independence from old images that have been oppressing you. There's no need to feel trapped into being who you used to be if that's not who you are anymore.
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at firstname.lastname@example.org.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Last summer, three exhibitors at the Ohio State Fair tried to fool a panel of judges. The men glued hairpieces on their cows in an effort to hide the animals' sagging backs. But inspectors discovered the bovine toupees and disqualified the cheaters. Now if you Pisceans tried something like this in the coming week, you'd probably get away with itat least according to my analysis of the astrological omens. I don't recommend it, though. Ironically, you're far more likely to win competitions or succeed at challenges if you don't engage in subterfuge. Being honest and ethical will give you an unbeatable power you can't tap into any other way.
HOMEWORKBrag about your flaws and weaknesses and mistakes, preferably with a grandiose lack of inhibition. Send a record of your boast to beautyandtruth.com