By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
I'm hoping for gayer gay treatment in The Stepford Wives, which equates homosexual Republicans with bad haircuts. (By the way, Reagan's lucky he's not heaven-bound, because he'd be greeted there by all my dead friends holding bloodstained axes. He was never the president of FAG.) The beleaguered Stepford's unfavorable gossip began with a Daily News item last year about naughty Nicole's supposedly erratic on-set behavior. The upshot, I hear, was an internal memo from executive producer RON BOZMAN saying that whoever leaked the item is full of shit and "as a result of this unfortunate incident, we are closing this set and all future sets to outside visitors." Finebut now they've apparently closed the screenings to me too!
Finally, in other why-are-they-remaking-my-favorite-flicks? news, I'm told that PETER JACKSON desperately wants original King Kong star FAY WRAY to say the last line in his retread, but she's not convinced. As for the title role, I'm not gonna be playing like a trained monkeyand kindly don't get a black person either. Deal?
Dear JOHN KERRY: Keep on standing back all slack-jawed and vague-ish, kid. Let DUBYA self-destruct with his empty, Stepfordy ravings about making the world safe from terrorother people's, that is. Let the revelations keep cominglike how we were the terrorists in Abu Ghraib and how our lamented hero Pat Tillman was actually killed by our own other heroes in inept, I mean friendly, fire, not to mention how all of this was provoked by nonexistent weapons! (No wonder GEORGE TENET was canned, I mean stepped down for personal reasons.) And let Dubya's continued hate crusade against gay marriage take an interesting turn as cynics melt at the sight of perfectly nice queers hugging (and flirting with Hugh Jackman) on TV and wonder how stealth-bombing this would be consistent with our self-appointed role as fiery freedom fighters.
Best of all, John, rejoice that the Repubs are coming to New York to cash in on 9-11 sentiment, seemingly unaware that initial traumatized support for Dubya has eroded to the point of revulsion. So sit tight, John. Remember, you pretty much sealed the nomination because of HOWARD DEAN's screaming jag. You can get the top job by default too! (Even without Billy Joel.)
Web Bonus, 06.10.04
Spies tell me that Jonathan Demme has tapped Wyclef Jeanwho did the music for Demme's documentary The Agronomistto score his upcoming remake of The Manchurian Candidate, starring Denzel Washington and Meryl Streep. The jury's way out on the flick, but at least the music should be good.