By Albert Samaha
By Darwin BondGraham
By Keegan Hamilton
By Anna Merlan
By Anna Merlan
By Tessa Stuart
By Tessa Stuart
By Albert Samaha
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Current human life expectancy is already at 78 years, and it's steadily increasing. So if you're 30 years old, you can expect to be alive for at least another 48 years, and probably longer. If you're 22 you could easily be here for another 60 revolutions of the Earth around the sun, and if you're 45, you've got a minimum of 33. So what are you going to do with all that precious, spacious time? I encourage you to let your brainstorms flow freely in the coming week. Is there another career or two you might want to pursue? A far-flung locale where you'd like to live for a while? An adventure that may take a long time to get ready for? Have fun visualizing the enormous magic you could accomplish little by little in the next three decades.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Naturalist John Burroughs was addressing your current needs when he wrote the following: "The lesson which life constantly enforces is 'Look underfoot.' You are always nearer to the true sources of your power than you think. The lure of the distant and the difficult is deceptive. The great opportunity is where you are. Every place is the center of the world." Let's finish up this little pep talk, Taurus, with some advice from Theodore Roosevelt: "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): "Never test the depth of the water with both feet," the old saying goes, and usually I endorse such an approach. But not now. For the next two weeks, Gemini, you're exempt from that and just about every other cautionary rule. As far as I can tell, your future is so wide open that the only guiding principles you need are those that give you permission. Here's an example you might like, formulated by sex researcher Alfred Kinsey: "The only unnatural sex act is one you cannot perform."
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at firstname.lastname@example.org.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Until recently, Indonesians thought their country consisted of about 17,000 islands. But in February of 2003, an analysis of satellite images found more than a thousand undiscovered islands, bringing the total to 18,108. I suspect that you're on the verge of making a comparable breakthrough about yourself, Cancerian. There's much more of you than you ever imagined. Many previously unknown territories will soon come into view. It will be as if you have unearthed a new world right in the midst of the old one.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Lions and jaguars can roar, but they can't purr. Cheetahs and snow leopards can purr, but can't roar. Now and then a tiger in captivity learns how to produce a sputtering imitation of a purr in addition to its characteristic roar. But as a rule, every species of feline does one or the other but not both. To meet your dates with destiny in the coming week, you'll have to be like a kind of cat that doesn't exist in nature: one that purrs with sublime contentment and roars with fierce authority.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Your theme this week is careen-stable. Here's Rebecca Rusche to tell you of the term's origin and how to recognize when it shows up in your life. "In high school, my mom used to let me use her VW Beetle to go to basketball practice. One night after practice, a friend and I were chatting and drinking Coke when we decided to see how fast we could get the Beetle going down a nearby dirt road. Soon we were careening at 65 mph, shouting 'Careen!' every time we hit a bump and went flying into the air. When we arrived back at the gym and got out of the car half an hour later, we saw my Coke can sitting on the front bumper next to the license plate. I nudged it softly to see if it was lodged in there somehow, but it fell right offwasn't stuck at all. I thought, 'There must be a word for this magic,' and thus 'careen-stable' was born. It came to mean anything that maintains its poise in the midst of wild, fast movement."
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): A couple from Houston had been trying to conceive a child for 10 years. Finally, with the help of in vitro fertilization and fertility drugs, Jeffrey and Sheryl McGowen succeeded extravagantly. Two eggs were implanted in Sheryl, and both split. Nine months later she gave birth to two sets of identical twins. "I think God has a sense of humor," said Jeffrey. "He took a vacation, and when he got back from it he answered all of my prayers at once." Keep this story in mind, Libra. It will help prepare you for what God does for you upon returning from vacation.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): "Poets should welcome all opportunities to become befuddled," writes poet Linh Dinh in The American Poetry Review. "To not know what's happening forces one to become more attentive." Whether or not you're a poet, Scorpio, I heartily recommend this approach to you in the coming weeks. The feeling of having wandered off the path will be a sign of grace. To be confused will be a blessing. The only possible way you could miss out on the gifts that life wants to send you is if you act like a know-it-all who's in complete control.