My Big Fat Funky Queer Marriage

Forget the rice. (We're on Atkins.) No his-and-his towels. (Nothing matches in our house.) Just give us Viagra—and wish us well

Too many straight couples are caught in the conflict between the old hetero ideal of monogamy and the new lived reality. I hope gay couples don't put themselves in a similar bind. Our tradition is flexibility—and I think this value can help our marriages endure. Indeed, the scant data from Denmark and Vermont suggest that gay and lesbian couples are more likely to stick together than are straights. One reason may be their willingness to be supple about the basis of their bond.

When this fight is won, Tony and I will show up at the marriage bureau, not because we yearn to be normal but because matrimony agrees with us. We've both been married before to women whom we still love. I told you we weren't a typical gay couple. Maybe that makes this advice suspect, but I'll give it anyway:

Hello, queer lovers, wherever you are.

Our wedding portrait, 1987
photo: Sylvia Plachy
Our wedding portrait, 1987


The 25th Annual Queer Issue

  • Beyond the Stepford Queers
    Welcome to the age of do-it-yourself identity
  • I Ruck, Therefore I Am
    Rugby and the gay male body
    Christopher Stahl
  • Transmale Nation
    Remaking manhood in the genderqueer generation
    by Elizabeth Cline
  • The Great Gay Way
    A brief history of Christopher Street
    by Wayne Hoffman
  • It Was 25 Years Ago Today Selections From the Village Voice's Annual Queer Issue
    compiled by Charles McNulty and Matthew Phillp
  • Elements Of Style: Chasing Rainbows
    Peace tees, platform shoes, and big pussies get ready for Pride day
    by Lynn Yaeger
  • Listings: There She Is, Miss L.E.S.
    She'll Take the Town by Storm
    by Keisha Franklin
  • Pride Events
  • You can have your wedding cake and eat it, too.

    Marriage is what you make of it,

    Not what it makes of you.

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