My Big Fat Funky Queer Marriage

Too many straight couples are caught in the conflict between the old hetero ideal of monogamy and the new lived reality. I hope gay couples don't put themselves in a similar bind. Our tradition is flexibility—and I think this value can help our marriages endure. Indeed, the scant data from Denmark and Vermont suggest that gay and lesbian couples are more likely to stick together than are straights. One reason may be their willingness to be supple about the basis of their bond.

When this fight is won, Tony and I will show up at the marriage bureau, not because we yearn to be normal but because matrimony agrees with us. We've both been married before to women whom we still love. I told you we weren't a typical gay couple. Maybe that makes this advice suspect, but I'll give it anyway:

photo: Sylvia Plachy

Our wedding portrait, 1987

Details

The 25th Annual Queer Issue

Beyond the Stepford Queers
Welcome to the age of do-it-yourself identity

I Ruck, Therefore I Am
Rugby and the gay male body
Christopher Stahl

Transmale Nation
Remaking manhood in the genderqueer generation
by Elizabeth Cline

The Great Gay Way
A brief history of Christopher Street
by Wayne Hoffman

It Was 25 Years Ago Today Selections From the Village Voice's Annual Queer Issue
compiled by Charles McNulty and Matthew Phillp

Elements Of Style: Chasing Rainbows
Peace tees, platform shoes, and big pussies get ready for Pride day
by Lynn Yaeger

Listings: There She Is, Miss L.E.S.
She'll Take the Town by Storm
by Keisha Franklin

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More About

• Jonathan Rauch
• Walt Whitman
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• Relationships
• LGBT Issues

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Hello, queer lovers, wherever you are.

You can have your wedding cake and eat it, too.

Marriage is what you make of it,

Not what it makes of you.