By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Gypsy Rose Lee (1914-1970) was not a stripper in the sense we think of it today. Her more precise title was striptease artist. During her performances, she never actually took off all of her clothes. Her style was rooted in the advice her mother gave her: "Make them beg for moreand then don't give it to them." While I don't suggest you apply for a gig at a strip club this week, Sagittarius, I do recommend that you incorporate some of Lee's approach in your own chosen field.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The emotions in your vicinity are about to get very interesting. Here's a rapid-fire flurry of advice to match the fluttery, fluctuating rhythm you'll be navigating. Day 1: Don't fight the problem; make yourself bigger than it. Day 2: Become better acquainted with the part of yourself that sometimes does things unconsciously. Day 3: Allocate more funds and resources for foreign affairs. Day 4: A little rebellion will prevent a debilitating weakness from erupting. Day 5: Prove your love not with sentimental sweetness but with exuberant adventure. Day 6: Talk about the two things you never talk about.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): This will be a bad news, good news kind of week, Aquarius. But the bad news will be small in proportion to the good news, and may even be necessary for the good news to occur. For instance, a mosquito might keep you up all night. That, in turn, could lead you to call in sick for work, spend the day rethinking your whole life, and decide to make a dramatic move that will change everything for the better.
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at firstname.lastname@example.org.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): My Piscean friend Risa dreamed that the Buddhist monk and teacher Thich Nhat Hanh wanted to give up his celibacy to pursue a romantic relationship with her. She was flatteredthe man is a brilliant saint who has written more than 20 booksbut she ultimately decided to stick with her husband. The night after she told me this dream, I dreamed that my three best Piscean friends were making love with Mother Teresa, Buddha, and the 16th-century Kabbalist holy man Isaac Luria. From this evidence, as well as certain astrological data, I conclude that you Fish are in the midst of trying to integrate your spiritual and sensual yearnings. To expedite this exciting process, I suggest you murmur exuberant prayers during your sexual encounters this week.
HOMEWORK Chant this string of magic words five times a day: "Bravo Viva Kudos Whoopee Eureka Hallelujah Abracadabra." Report results to beautyandtruth.com.