By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): The Bible's Book of Revelation is one of the world's most notorious advertisements for doom and gloom. Millions of people actually think the wacky yet terrible visions laid down in that ancient text describe future events. Few of the believers live in Beijing, China, fortunately. When a swarm of locusts like those prophesied in Revelation arrived in the area in 2002, local residents greeted the creatures warmly. They scooped them up in large bags, deep-fried them, and turned them into the main dish of an enormous feast. I urge you to make a similar reversal of a fearful scenario that someone's trying to foist on you, Sagittarius.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Contrary to the orthodox notion that sperm headed toward an egg are in a deadly competition with each other, researchers have discovered they collaborate, often joining together to create a "love train" so as to reach the target faster. Using this as your inspiration, Capricorn, see if there's an area of your own life you've misjudged as being a hotbed of cutthroat rivalry. The astrological omens suggest that it's a perfect time to awaken and cultivate the cooperative potentials of such a situation.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Tjiliwirri is a special language taught to adolescent boys undergoing initiation rites among the Warlpiri tribe of the Australian Aborigines. A speaker uses it to express the opposite of what he pretends to mean. In order to convey the meaning "You are tall and wise," for instance, a boy might say the Warlpiri equivalent of "You are short and short-sighted." To express a yearning for greater fulfillment, he may declare, "I have no needs." Regard this vignette as instructive about your immediate future, Aquarius. In the coming weeks, I believe you will undergo a kind of initiation that dares you to rise to a new level of maturity. In the course of this rite of passage, you may have to navigate your way through situations that are the opposite of what they seem.
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess - worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at email@example.com.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Two years ago, seven-year-old Steven Olson was awarded patent number 6,368,227 for a new method of swinging on a swing. His application said that kids can get bored just moving back and forth on the swing or twisting the swing's chains to make it spin. That's why he invented the technique of swinging side to side. Will he get rich from selling the rights to use his patent? Probably not. Now let's talk about how all of this applies to you. I think you should pull off your own version of Olson's coup in the coming weeksbut see if you can take it one step further. Dream up an innovation that makes a fun experience even more fun, and meditate on how you might then exploit it to your practical advantage.
HOMEWORKWho you are you planning to vote for in November's presidential election? Without ex-pressing any hatred or hostility, tell me your reasons why at beautyandtruth.com.