By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
By Roy Edroso
By Jon Campbell
By Albert Samaha
By Zachary D. Roberts
Former mayor ED KOCHwho's coming out with a children's bookwas asked by WLIW's Q&A host SEEMA KALIA for his take on the McGreevey announcement, seeing as Koch has been "the subject of speculation" himself. Koch turned weird and said, "Let me ask you something. Has anyone ever committed oral sex on you?" (Like who, Vinnie Dazzle?) Kalia is still in shock from the remarkwhich PBS, the overseer, almost cutthough she understood that he meant sexuality is irrelevant to the job. Ed, you garrulous snatch!
I'll shut mine up now, but only after reporting that devilishly cute PAUL LOMBARDI told me he's left NY1, moved to L.A., and is working with a doctor on a book defending cosmetic surgery. I need some to remove last week's sploshing!
PUSH PUSH OUT DA BUSH
Masked, mocking marchers
photo: Drew Tillman
Violent anarchists on a rampage? Nah, Sunday's massive peace rally was filled, duh, with peaceniks, anddespite overhyped incidentsthe biggest terror seemed to be wondering whether the overhead surveillance vehicles would crash into each other. The march's slogans were expectedly hostileeverything from "Lick Bush" to "Send Jenna"but the throng was generally so orderly in carrying and screaming them that the surrounding cops looked more bored to tears than born for tear gas. A furor alert wasn't reached until we finally arrived at the Garden and the blinking marquee lights said, "Thank you, New York." "You're not welcome! GOP go home!" screamed the crowd (which included a giant blow-up phallusnot the last exposed genital we'd see looking for action during convention week).
That night, at a "God Save New York" concert at Coral Room, emcee Karen Finley went after both Dick ("His heart doesn't work!") and dick (she shaved a Dubya look-alike's exposed crotchtold youthough she didn't lick bush).
As for phallus-ies, no one I've talked to is buying Cheney's sudden support for gay marriage, an impeccably timed attempt at a good cop/bad cop situation (you know, "We're barbariansbut nice"). I prefer the bored cops.
As Bloomberg's press rep, Edward Skyler, got into the elevator to go up to TV reporter Andrew Kirtzman's pre-convention bash, a guy who was leaving yelled, "Tell the mayor to support gay marriage!" Luckily for Skyler, the door then promptly shut. . . . Maria Shriver was seen eating at the Maritime. You heard meeating. . . . The stars and makers of Open Water were just photographed for Vanity Fair in the big aquatic tank of the club Coral Room. For at least one of them, it was even more terrifying than making the movie. . . . The New York Times is doing a piece on the old Nell's (the Victorian-style '80s lounge) versus the new, reopening one. I'm the only one alive who can make the comparisonand I'm not talking. . . . But I was willing to write a piece for New York magazine's convention issue and was even offered the assignment at Beige, only to later pick up the ish and find it was written by someone else. How many times am I gonna get screwed on these hooker articles?. . . . Meanwhile, PM magazine will report that Elton John wants John Waters to know he'd love to play the late, plus-size, shit-eating drag legend Divine. ANOTHER opportunity I'm gonna get screwed out of!
A COUPLE MORE THINGS
Sixties legend and Ol' Blue Eyes's daughter Nancy Sinatra has an exciting new album, Nancy Sinatra, which drops (yeah, I'm hep to all the new lingo) on September 14. Featuring collaborations with Morrissey and U2's Bono and the Edge, the CD is a moody kaleidoscope that shoots Nancy into the future, attitudey boots intact. . . . In local music news, personable cable host Barry Z has brought his weekly Monday night talent show to the Gramercy Theater, where this week's edition treated us to a smorgasboard of novelty acts, like Steve Herbst (a whistler with a large bottle of water onstage) and Rita Ellis Hammer, an ex-TV star who belted Fats Waller and Gershwin tunes with rafter-shaking aplomb. It all helped drown out the convention.