By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
By Raillan Brooks
SAGITTARIUS(Nov. 22-Dec. 21): "If you plant a crocus bulb, it won't grow into a grapevine," my teacher Ann Davies used to say. "You can't learn to play the violin by practicing the piano." I hope you've had some version of this wisdom lighting up the back of your mind these past 11 months, Sagittarius. Soon you will harvest the fruits of the seeds you planted around your last birthday, and you will leap to a new level of mastery in whatever skill or trick or habit you've been faithfully plying for the past 11 months.
CAPRICORN(Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In portentous tones, as if exposing yet another sickening deterioration of our collective health, the Centers for Disease Control recently informed us that the average person is "sad, blue, or depressed" about three days a month. As I read various news articles reporting the results of the CDC's survey, I looked in vain for even a glimmer of triumphant glee. After all, if we're downhearted three days every month, it means we're feeling pretty good the other 27 or 28 days. And that's a glorious revelation that should, in my opinion, provoke dancing in the streets. But now I have even better news for you, Capricorn: According to my reading of the astrological omens, you will have, at the most, just one day of feeling sad, blue, or depressed this October.
AQUARIUS(Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Mystery writer Agatha Christie took issue with the old saw "Necessity is the mother of invention." Just as often, she believed, the creation of new conveniences is prompted by the desire to save time and trouble. If necessity is the mother of invention, laziness is the father. I suggest you make that your motto in the coming week, Aquarius. Be on the lookout for innovations that will free up your time and imagination. Dream and scheme about how you can get more room in your schedule to do absolutely nothing but dream and scheme.
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess-worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at email@example.com.
PISCES(Feb. 19-March 20): In the autumn, the sweet gum tree in my yard is a paradoxical sight. As its green leaves turn red and fall to the ground, it seems to be announcing that it's slipping into a state of dormancy. At the same time, though, it sprouts hundreds of spiky, bright green balls full of seeds, as if to declare it's bursting with irrepressible vitality. This phase of the sweet gum's life is similar to where you are in your cycle right now, Pisces. Would you mind if I called you Sweet Gum?
HOMEWORK: If you had to choose one wild animal to follow, observe, and learn from for a month, which would it be? Testify at freewillastrology.com.