By Alex Distefano
By Scott Snowden
By Anna Merlan
By Steve Almond
By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
The next day, I was off to do my subtle whoring when author VICTORIA WILSON called to say that, contrary to what I wrote, her Barbara Stanwyck memoir isn't being held up partly because she's waiting for a lesbian lover of the screen icon to come forth; it's simply exhaustive, plus she has a day job. "Stanwyck wasn't a lesbian," said Wilson. "Most biographies have invented the fact that she was gay based on nothing. It was a persona. She was maybe in love with two women, but I don't think anything ever happened." But wait, she wasn't a lesbian? "No," she said. "Women sometimes fall in love with other women." And that doesn't mean they mount productions of Queen Lear, OK?
As for all you kooky crystal meth queens, come on, say ta-ta to tina!
Gypsy had a little lamb
Upstairs at Studio 54, RICK CROM's NEWSical is a clever mixed bag of topical songs performed by a quartet that includes kooky fave KIM CEA; she spoofs everyone from La STREISAND, complete with nails, to MICHAEL JACKSON, complete with neuroses.
It's miles above Cea's last gig, as a stripper in a woebegone Houston version of Gypsy. On opening night, star ANDREA MCARDLE lost her voice and had to be rushed to the hospital for a cortisone shot, postponing the curtain by almost three hours. Cea said the actor playing the lamb had health problems too: "They got a sheep the size of a Buick and it shit itself. Over the speaker they announced, 'Someone get some paper towels. The sheep's shit all over the stage!' " To add to the production's high tone, Louise was played by the producer's daughter, but it couldn't have been nepotism; she's the one who had to sing "Little Lamb" to the incontinent quadruped.
Was it at least wacky fun to terrorize Bush country? "No!" shrieked Cea. "Houston sucks cock. They put me in the Holiday Inn across from NASA. I said, 'I can't stay in this room. It smells like pee.' " Well, don't look at the sheepor Dermot Mulroney.