So hip it's in danger of being played out in the next six weeks, Bed-Stuy's Sputnik sets the standard for Brooklyn cool. "Williamsburg had its run," says co-owner John Simeonidis Jr., 27. With slick space-age furniture and DJs that favor rock and breakbeat, Sputnik pulls in a hyped-up multicultural crowd with various sexual leanings, and occasionally hosts a rebellious group of Hasidic Jews dressed in Old Navy T-shirts. Though the ground floor exemplifies gritty chic, with leather sofas and the Clash blaring, the real party happens downstairs, where people get sticky and sweaty on the dancefloor. The tempting libations seem a bit pricey for the area: Try a tangy Pepto-Bismol (Stoli Vanil, Cointreau, Grand Marnier, sour mix, and cranberry and pineapple juice; $7) or save your cash and drink $2 bottles of shitty Rheingold. If you're lucky, you can see our Hasidic brother Abe perform a sexy striptease onstage by throwing off his conservative button-down and pants, ripping off his undershirt, and as a grand finale, rubbing his nipples while sporting only boxers, suspenders, and a yarmulke. If it happened once, it can happen again, folks!