Pussy Pay Dirt

When desire means getting the girlfriend off instead of letting her do me

Every time I think I know myself sexually, think I have my fantasies all figured out, my desires clearly contained, I manage to prove myself wrong. Right after I wrote about my passion for lovers larger than myself, I fell for someone incredibly small. Which may be part of why, with her, I wanted to be the doer, to protect and please her all at the same time. Even though I say I don't really date Jewish guys, I find that I can't get a particular one out of my mind. Sexual desire and attraction aren't fixed, and I think that's a good thing. Not only does it make life more interesting, it allows us to expand our very idea of what sex is.

Many of the things I did with my ex I was doing for the first time. The ways that I wanted her were startling and new to me; I had fucked many girls, and enjoyed it, but not felt that pleasure all the way through me, not gotten immediately aroused when my fingers came in contact with their pussies. Sometimes I'd say that I felt like a guy in that regard. I don't have the precise language available to me, aside from "pussy pay dirt," to describe that exquisite sexual high that really is like no other, that comes from knowing another woman's body well enough to spark her orgasm.

Is there a lesson here? Perhaps only that wanting someone can take many forms, and they aren't always what you expect. Or that I am just a different kind of slut.


Please visit rachelkramerbussel.com.

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