By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
ARIES(March 21April 19): Three Aries starlets have recently stopped dyeing their hair blond. Mandy Moore, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Reese Witherspoon have all returned to their brunet roots, relieving themselves of the pressure to masquerade. I suggest you draw inspiration from their example. Stop all pretending. Throw off your disguises. Be as natural as you dare to be. Beginning November 22, "Know thyself" will be your battle cry, and the best way to prepare for that day is to make "Be thyself!" your mantra for now.
TAURUS(April 20May 20): On a song from his multi-platinum album Get Rich or Die Tryin', hip-hop artist 50 Cent sings, "I'm into having sex, I ain't into making love." Your assignment, Taurus, is to do the opposite: Be into making love, not having sex. What? You say you already do that all the time? Well, I'd like to suggest that like most of us, you still have a lot to learn about making love with your heart completely open and your mind full of innocent wonder. There's more you could do to bestow blessings and invoke the divine presence while in your intimate embraces. Are you brave and humble enough to go to the next level? (PS: If you don't have a partner, work solo.)
GEMINI(May 21June 20): For years, the walls of many public restrooms were inscribed with the graffiti "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle." Recently, my Gemini friend Ross made it his mission to spread a mutated version of that meme. He has personally decorated scores of bathroom walls with the saying "A Gemini needs emotions like a fish needs a bicycle." He thinks your tribe can function just fine without the messy complications that emotions bring. I disagree. Though you certainly don't need to wallow in the swampy tumult that some people seem addicted to, you do periodically require the humanizing effect of deep, mysterious, overwhelming feelings. This is one of those times.
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess-worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at email@example.com.
CANCER(June 21July 22): If you're fully alive, the answer to the question "What is the meaning of life?" keeps evolving. Last century's or last year's truth can't possibly be true for the person you are changing into. So what's the answer for you these days? Only you can decide, of course, but I'll offer a suggestion based on my astrological analysis. It's from philosopher Tom Morris. "The meaning of life," he says, "is creative love. Not love as an inner feeling, not as a private sentimental emotion, but love as a dynamic power moving out into the world and doing something original."
LEO(July 23Aug. 22): Legendary underwater explorer Sylvia Earle was named a "Hero of the Planet" by Time magazine in recognition of her pioneering efforts to preserve marine sanctuaries. Because she holds so many diving records and has spent so many hours submerged in the ocean, she is known as "Her Deepness." You should consider making this practical idealist your role model in the coming weeks, Leo. Her adventures are perfect metaphors for the work you should pursue: bold excursions into the intriguing abyss, devoted cultivation of the beauty that lies below, and in-depth care for your life's submerged mysteries. (PS: Do you mind if I refer to you as "Your Deepness"?)
VIRGO(Aug. 23Sept. 22): If you'd like to be in harmony with cosmic rhythms, Virgo, spend quality time thinking about the future of your education. I'm not just referring to plans for school. You should ruminate about which people you'd like to learn from and how to hone your listening skills. You should take inventory of what subjects excite your curiosity and what training you'll need to fulfill your dreams. I also urge you to freshen up your mind by emptying it of at least 10 of your entrenched opinions. Now write this gem from William Butler Yeats on a piece of paper, and carry it with you till December 1: "Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire."
LIBRA(Sept. 23Oct. 22): The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald's best-known novel, was not the author's first choice as a title. He wanted to call it Trimalchio in West Egg, but was overruled by an editor. Similarly, Gone With the Wind was originally Tomorrow Is Another Day. Valley of the Dolls was They Don't Build Statues to Businessmen. And my book The Televisionary Oracle was initially called A Feminist Man's Guide to Picking Up Women. I hope that hearing of these shifts inspires you to rename your own life story, Libra. The events of recent months have changed your long-term plotlines so much that you really do need a new title.
SCORPIO(Oct. 23Nov. 21): "A new idea is delicate," wrote author Charles Brower. "It can be killed by a sneer or a yawn; it can be stabbed to death by a joke or worried to death by a frown on the right person's brow." And that's exactly why you should be so protective of your fresh approaches and budding innovations this week, Scorpio. They may ultimately evolve into breathtaking brainstorms if they're given room to grow. Don't discuss them with anyone except sensitive people who respect you.