By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
By Raillan Brooks
ARIES(March 21April 19): I'd love to see you risk making brilliant mistakes in the coming weeks, Aries. I hope you'll plunge into imaginative adventures without worrying about whether they'll have practical benefits. I look forward to cheering you on as you explore forbidden zones, dabble with unfamiliar pleasures, and try intriguing experiments that make you tingle all over. Now here's a tip, courtesy of Mark Twain, which should help you take maximum advantage of the mischievous opportunities ahead: "Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more."
TAURUS(April 20May 20): Italian poet Dante Alighieri finished his masterpiece, The Divine Comedy, before he died. But when his sons, Jacopo and Pietro, assembled the manuscript for publication, they realized that parts of it were missing. They searched the house for days, to no avail. Only after they had given up hope did help arrive. The spirit of Dante appeared in Jacopo's dream and showed his son a hiding place in his old bedroom wall. Upon awakening, Jacopo went to the spot his father had pointed out and found the lost papers. I offer this story as a gift to you, Taurus. I believe that sometime in the next three weeks, you will have a comparable experience. What form might it take? Maybe the dead will assist you in locating a valuable. One of your dreams could provide a missing clue that will solve a mystery. It's conceivable you'll receive a legacy from a departed loved one. And maybe all of these possibilities will come to pass.
GEMINI(May 21June 20): Last January, an Indiana man named Randy Fletcher came home from work early and found his wife in bed with another man. In March, after working for years to restore his 1956 Chevy to mint condition, he wrecked it on a country road when he swerved to avoid hitting a deer. The capper came in May, when his beloved dog fell ill and had to be euthanized. But on July 17, two days after his divorce was final, his luck changed: Fletcher won $1 million in the state lottery. Your recent hardships haven't been anywhere near as harsh as his, Gemini, nor will your imminent reward be as monumental. But I do expect that you will soon be compensated handsomely for your trouble.
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess-worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at email@example.com.
CANCER(June 21July 22): A poultry expert has come up with a revolutionary use for the feathers that are left over when chickens are slaughtered. David Emery has built a machine to turn the damp, dirty refuse into a strong, light fiber that's suitable for making auto parts and medical instruments. I believe you will possess a similar capacity for ingenious transformation in the coming weeks, Cancerian. Though your work may not always be fun or easy, you will be an alchemical wizard with the power to metamorphose muck and dregs into useful stuff.
LEO(July 23Aug. 22): "The pace of change is accelerating," says futurist Ray Kurzweil. "We're doubling the paradigm shift rate, the rate of progress, every decade." I agree with Kurzweil. By my estimate, half of what you know today will be obsolete in five years. Isn't that exciting? What could be more pleasurable than continually molting your old perspectives and growing fresh ways to see the world? That's the good news, Leo. Now here's the great news: The coming months will be an ideal time to formulate and jump-start an aggressive five-year plan to keep your education continually up to date.
VIRGO(Aug. 23Sept. 22): "To the mind that is still," said the ancient Chinese sage Lao Tzu, "the whole universe surrenders." This is true all the time, of course, but in the coming weeks it will be even more intensely true for you. According to traditional astrologers, that would be a problem. They believe that advising Virgos to keep their minds still is like ordering Niagara Falls to stop splashing 600,000 gallons of water per second over its precipice. But here's my nontraditional perspective: It may be harder for you Virgos to quiet your mind, but if and when you actually accomplish it, the universe surrenders more completely to you than to any other sign. (PS: On March 29, 1848, an ice jam stopped the flow of water over Niagara Falls for several hours.)
LIBRA(Sept. 23Oct. 22): Hydrogen is an explosive, highly inflammable gas. Oxygen is an essential ingredient in sustaining any blaze. But when the two are mixed in the right proportion, they form water, which is the opposite of fire. You should regard this as an apt metaphor for the opportunity you will have in the coming weeks, Libra. To get started on taking advantage of this promise, meditate on this question: What two fiery elements can you combine to bring a soothing, moistening influence into your life?
SCORPIO(Oct. 23Nov. 21): Materialism is our culture's dominant ideology. It's the specious doctrine that physical matter is the only reality and that nothing can be said to exist unless it's perceivable by our five senses or detected by instruments we've created. Paradoxically, the proponents of materialism warn us to be skeptical about all phenomena that they don't recognize as real, even as they fanatically avoid skepticism about their own fundamentalist assumptions! I urge you to undertake an inquiry into the ways your outlook on the world has been hemmed in by this crippling superstition, Scorpio. Begin immediately. In 2005, you'll be offered abundant help from spiritual sources. If you're overly influenced by materialism, you'll have trouble recognizing and accessing those riches.