By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
By Raillan Brooks
ARIES(March 21April 19): According to my reading of the astrological omens, you need to feel high levels of both reverence and exuberance in the coming week. You'll thrive whenever you can experience awe and rowdy happiness in the same setting. Here's one possible way to achieve that: Dance in a church, synagogue, mosque, oak grove, or meditation sanctuary, or on a mountaintop. Take a boombox or Walkman with you, and move your beautiful body with sacred, uproarious grace.
TAURUS(April 20May 20): I almost always discourage you from feeding your anxieties. The worrisome specters that sometimes eat away at your imagination only rarely have much resemblance to what's actually happening. But I'm going to make a departure from my usual practice this week. During the brief transition period ahead, your fears have the potential to make you stronger and wiser. You will find power in marshaling measured responses to any influence that seems to oppose you. Here's the paradox: You're not in any real danger, but it will be useful for you to act as if you were.
GEMINI(May 21June 20): Your horoscope this week is brought to you by Wendell Berry's poem "Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front," which appeared in his book The Country of Marriage. Thanks to Mr. Berry for his generous grant of soul power. It's the perfect gift for you during your unbirthday season, when you have a mandate to go against the grain and against the flow. Here's an excerpt from Berry's poem. "Friends, every day do something that won't compute. Love someone who does not deserve it. Denounce the government and embrace the flag. Give your approval to all you cannot understand. Ask the questions that have no answers. Put your faith in the two inches of humus that will build under the trees every thousand years. Laugh. Be joyful though you have considered all the facts. Practice resurrection."
The Televisionary Oracle
A Novel by Rob Brezsny
A lusty but sensitive rock star encounters the leader of a goddess-worshiping religious order that values pranks as much as prayers.
Check out Rob's band World Entertainment War.
Want to know more about Rob, or look up past horoscopes? Visit freewillastrology.com.
You can contact Rob at firstname.lastname@example.org.
CANCER(June 21July 22): One of my favorite prophets, John Hogue, thinks you Crabs can get lost in your dreamy visions at the expense of your commitment to the real world. Your karmic lesson, he says, is to "transcend your attachments to sweet but isolating illusions." I believe the coming months will offer you an excellent chance to accomplish this. If you're open to the truth, the real world will actually be more fun and interesting than your fantasy world. And the week ahead will provide you with a vivid opportunity to start the transition.
LEO(July 23Aug. 22): Playing off the concept of déjà vu, comedian George Carlin has proposed a variation: vujà de, or "the uncanny feeling that none of this has ever happened before." Write that term on the back of your hand, Leo. Imprint it on your mind's eye. Vujà de will be your operative theme for the coming week. You'll be inundated by a flood of fresh, hot novelty. You'll see events you've never seen and feel emotions that maybe no one in the history of the planet has ever felt. If you're ever tempted to repeat yourself or get bogged down in familiarity, stop what you're doing immediately. Take full advantage of this unprecedented chance to cultivate beginner's mind.
VIRGO(Aug. 23Sept. 22): I direct your attention to Cory Doctorow's review of Neal Stephenson's three-volume Baroque Cycle. Writing for boingboing.net, Doctorow says Stephenson's books are like good curry. "They're mild and interesting when you first taste them, but after you've swallowed, they grow on you, spreading a warm fire throughout your digestive system, making beads of sweat appear on your forehead." This happens to be an excellent description of the experiences you'll be invited to enjoy in the coming week, Virgo. They'll go down easy and ultimately make you hot with inspiration.
LIBRA(Sept. 23Oct. 22): In a past incarnation, it's possible that you were imprisoned or burned at the stake for expressing your beliefs. That might help explain why you're sometimes reluctant to speak your mind with total candor in this life. But you can't afford to let that ancient inhibition rule you now, Libra. Somehow you've got to find the courage to express your core truths with sustained, unflinching clarity. To do so won't lead to a punishment nearly as severe as what you suffered in that previous lifetime, but there may still be a bit of hell to pay. The trade-off, which will strengthen your soul in ways you can't imagine, will be well worth it.
SCORPIO(Oct. 23Nov. 21): The entrance to my local post office is an odd set of double doors. One of the doors is of normal width, but the other is bizarrely narrow, like something out of Alice in Wonderland. The only way I can use it is to turn sideways and squeeze through it. I believe this is an apt symbol for the metaphorical door you will have to negotiate in the coming week, Scorpio. As you approach it, you may feel bothered by its illogical and inconvenient construction. You may even be inclined to take it personally, as if it were an affront to your dignity. Avoid those reactions. Just turn sideways and squeeze through as best as you can, suppressing the urge to bitch and complain. That will prepare you perfectly for the weird but good luck that awaits you on the other side.