By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
By Roy Edroso
By Jon Campbell
By Albert Samaha
By Zachary D. Roberts
Dubya Dubya Dubya Dot Come On!: Bush was supposedly re-elected because so many people backed his "moral values." You know, the persecution of gays and immigrants, the encouragement of backdoor abortions, and the celebration of shady, unjustified wars, all in the name of the Lord. But don't get me fuckin' started. (Sorry, Madonnahere's another 50 cents.)
Most Annoying People: The ones who send you six e-mails promoting some lame event you don't care about and then a seventh one with the subject "Correction."
The Second Most Annoying: Your gay male friend who sounds all hot and macho when you call him. ("Hello," he murmurs in a moisture-inducing, gravelly voice.) It's only because he thinks you're responding to his hotline message. Once he realizes it's you, his voice jumps three octaves and he squeals, "Hey, girlfriend!"
Clichés That Jumped the Shark: No worries, we're on the same page, own your feelings, on the down low, my plate is full, one-person pity party, "hello, pot," fingers crossed, ass bandit, thinking out of the box, jumping the shark.
Worst Line I Overheard in a Trendy Restaurant: "And then the lesbians took over Mount Holyoke."
Springtime for Tina: A Cinemax documentary reveled in the idea that Hitler may well have been a big ol' Judy Garland-lovin' leather gay. A few months later, activist LARRY KRAMER announced that he's quite certain Der Führer was hopelessly hooked on crystal meth. Hearts stopped around the world as we realized that Nazi skank was the world's first circuit queen! And I always thought they were so nice.