By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
ARIES(March 21April 19): The website learningtoloveyoumore.com invites its readers to carry out assignments. I have borrowed some that I feel will help you fulfill your destiny in the coming week. Do as many as you feel moved to do. (1) Photograph one of your scars and write about its origins. (2) Write down your most recent argument. (3) Draw a scene from a movie that made you cry. (4) Ask someone you love to describe what you do. (5) Take a picture of the sun. (6) Record your own guided meditation. (7) Hang a wind chime on a tree in a parking lot. (8) Write your life story in less than a day.
TAURUS(April 20May 20): According to tradition, Saint Blaise is the patron saint of throats. During his feast day, which is celebrated this week, you're supposed to bless that part of your body. Even if you're not Catholic, I highly recommend that you partake in this observance. From an astrological perspective, you Tauruses have a special relationship with the throat. It's a source of power and grace for you, more so than for any other sign, and you should always jump at any excuse to honor it. Want some suggestions? Get a neck massage. Drink delicious elixirs. Sing songs that make you feel potent. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Invite a good kisser to demonstrate his or her skill all over that magic part of your anatomy.
GEMINI(May 21June 20): Somewhere in the world is a tree that has been struck by lightning in such a way that the scorch marks show your initials. This is the week of all weeks when you could find that tree. Somewhere in this world, there is a treasure that has no value to anyone but you, and a secret that is meaningless to everyone except you, and a frontier that possesses a revelation only you know how to exploit. This is the week when you could stumble upon those things. Somewhere in this world, Gemini, there is a person who could ask you the precise question you need to hear in order to catalyze the next phase of your evolution. This is the week when you might run into that person.
CANCER(June 21July 22):What do you say we liberate you from conventions that drag you down? And wean you from customs that steal your joy? It's a perfect moment to break with all the useless, burdensome, energy-sapping aspects of the past. A good place to begin is in the name for your sign: Cancer has got to go. There's no reason why you should tolerate having your astrological title be the same word as the killer disease. In fact, let's make a formal change. I invite you to send me your proposals for what to replace it with. Dolphin? Fount? Flux? Send your ideas to firstname.lastname@example.org or P.O. Box 150628, San Rafael, CA 94915.
LEO(July 23Aug. 22): To God, a galaxy is "no more significant than a bacterium," wrote Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan, and yet "a single human being can be as significant to Him as an entire universe." Is that paradoxical enough for you, Leo? I hope you can find a way to love riddles like that in the coming weeks. You have arrived at a point in your astrological cycle when mysterious conundrums and apparent contradictionsespecially the kind that stretch your mind inside out and upside-downare the best possible nourishment for your soul.
VIRGO(Aug. 23Sept. 22): Rural communities in southern Louisiana celebrate Mardi Gras with even more anarchistic exuberance than the festivities that take place in New Orleans. Roving gangs of masked revelers stop cars and good-naturedly demand money and gifts from drivers. Clowns with feathered headdresses knock on people's doors after midnight, begging for ingredients to make gumbo. Mardi Gras out in the sticks "is a lot like tickling," says professor of folklore Barry Ancelet. "When you get tickled it makes you laugh, but it also makes you feel uncomfortable." I expect it'll be that kind of week for you, Virgo. No harm will be done in the end, and the "tickling" will loosen you up, even if it sometimes annoys you.
LIBRA(Sept. 23Oct. 22): Prenatal psychologists suggest that if a pregnant woman wants her unborn child to be a musician, she should listen to a lot of Mozart. If she hopes her offspring will grow up to be an architect, she should visit beautiful buildings. Since you are in a sense pregnant right now, Libragerminating a brainchild that will ultimately become a source of joy and responsibilityI suggest you borrow that approach. Immerse yourself in stimuli that will imprint your future masterpiece with the best and brightest influences.
SCORPIO(Oct. 23Nov. 21): For the first time in thousands of years, grass is now growing year-round in Antarctica. Winter temperatures have risen 9 degrees Fahrenheit in the last 30 years, allowing wild lawns to spread where there were once ice sheets. I see a comparable metamorphosis for you in the coming weeks, Scorpio. A once barren or frozen landscape in your psyche will show signs of vibrant life. A part of your world that has been inhospitable will welcome you.