NY Mirror

Comments (0) By Michael Musto Tuesday, Feb 15 2005

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Anyway—calm down, bitch—the show's online coverage was hosted by GROMIT, the feature-film-bound Claymation dog from Wallace & Gromit who normally doesn't talk for any old thing, or in fact at all. The doughy little critter wasn't in his V.I.P. green room—I looked—but they did have gift bags, and as a result, you'll see me in the "Mrs. Gromit" shirt, advertised with "Tell the world you're Gromit's girl." That'll get my gerbil's goat.

A sort of Best in Show for the consonant crowd, The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee at Second Stage Theatre is remarkably s-l-i-g-h-t, but it does often have you smiling and even l-e-a-r-n-i-n-g. Not only do you pick up new words, but there are tidy moral lessons for each contestant, like how your penis might get in the way of winning the prize, but it could eventually become your prize. C-h-u-g-a-l-u-g.

photo: Cary Conover

Hot dogs at Madison Square Garden

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Too old?: Her Royal Highness
photo: Tony Duran

Action hero update: VIN DIESEL's upcoming comedy The Pacifieris reportedly the pits, but THE ROCK is supposedly funny as a wacky gay bodyguard with a dream in Be Cool, opening the same day. Go figure. . . . I bet whoever's the biggest star cast in the upcoming Dreamgirls movie will get to sing Effie's showstopping number "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going." If BEYONCÉ plays Deena, she'll no doubt seize it and make it "And I Am Telling You She's Not Going." In any case, I recently fantasized that QUEEN LATIFAH would make a great Effie (not based on her so-so Grammy appearance, but because of her SNL performance affectingly belting that song in a sketch). Alas, inside-production sources tell me she's too old for the role. That's better than "too fat"—or in this case "too thin"—but still, ouch. (PS: I hear Dreamgirls composer HENRY KRIEGER will co-write three new songs for the flick. Yay—more is more!)

Meanwhile, the Oscars are desperately trying to loosen up this year, and the producer is supposedly begging everyone for impromptu moments. What a joke. Whenever things have loosened up on the show (i.e., MICHAEL MOORE's speech), they generally get embarrassed and pump up the boos. They need to get Linda Simpson in charge and really turn up the ambience. . . . Speaking of downtown divas, DJ-drag performer GIRLINA is now just LINA, looks totally fierce, and is even closer to being a woman. Maybe she'll let me give her a legend award.

musto@villagevoice.com