NY Mirror

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Sit down, you're rocking DeBarge

But I got distracted again and leapt to my phone to ask drag favorite FLOTILLA DEBARGE about the notorious PETA ad she shot as dead-animal-licking-and-wearing STAR JONES, who's been all fuming about it. "This is an acting job. I am not a Star Jones impersonator," Flotilla clarified to me. "I don't do Star Jones." (No, that's her husband's duty, right?)

"She shouldn't be that upset," Flo continued. "Two male actors—KENAN THOMPSON and TRACY MORGAN—have impersonated her on Saturday Night Live, and I'm much prettier than they are. She's thinking the public will confuse me with her—that they'll think I'm Star Jones and she's a drag queen. It's very insulting to me!" Flo's also hurt that the Post, in breaking this story, called her overweight. "I couldn't believe it," she said. "I'll get back at them!" Go on, phat actress!

Anyway, is Flo a fan of Star? (long pause). "I'll just say 'bogo.' It's Payless's acronym for 'buy one, get one half off.' That's the only thing of hers that I am—I too shop at Payless, so why can't she go furless?"

She won't—but how did they style Flo as the bogus, I mean bogo queen? "They went to the official Star and Al website and got a picture. The makeup artist, Bruce, shadowed the hell out of me to get my lovely couture face to be an oblong Moon Pie face that is known as Star Jones Reynolds." Is that a dis, Star? Absolutely, you asshole! (Kidding. I think it's time to start showing some compassion to the woman because . . . um, er . . . )

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LITTER BOX
LGBT and Sympathy

King me: Kelly Lynch as Ivan photo: Showtime

Comic SANDRA BERNHARD got in trouble a long time ago for saying she hates the L-word. Well, as you know, she's returned to TV. In The L Word. . . Speaking of that show, the hottest man on the tube is KELLY LYNCHas the swaggering yet vulnerable drag king Ivan. I need him to do me now. . . In response to a recent item of mine, DJ LINA (formerly DJ Girlina) says, "I don't want to be referred to as a drag artist when I have evolved as an artist and woman.". . . How Do I Look?,an upcoming voguing documentary that for years has used me in the promo trailer now only features me as a voice-over! (Update: They're putting in two shots of me. Who's better than thislittle house mother?)

More seriously: "Gays have no right to murder each other!" screamed gay leaders in the press about the supposed new strain of AIDS. Well, just days later, reports said that women with HIV are having more unsafe sex than gay men with HIV, and that the rate of African Americans getting AIDS has doubled, while the white rate of infection stayed steady. So why aren't their leaders screaming murder? Can't those groups get the same attention, enlightenment, hysteria, and blame? Huh?

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musto@villagevoice.com