By Keegan Hamilton
By Albert Samaha
By Village Voice staff
By Tessa Stuart
By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
ARIES(March 21April 19): Many supposedly scientific debunkers deride astrology but have done almost no research on the subject. That's one reason why these ill-informed "skeptics" spread so many ignorant lies. For instance, they say that astrologers think the stars and planets emit invisible beams that affect people's lives. The truth is, most astrologers don't believe any such thing. Is there any way in which you engage in behavior similar to the lazy debunkers, Aries? What subjects do you speak about with authority even though you really don't know much about them? Do you ever spout opinions about situations you've never experienced first-hand? Do you pass judgment on ideas you've never studied and people you've never spent time with? We all do these thingsI confess to being guilty of it myselfbut this is your special time to make amends.
TAURUS(April 20May 20): So begins the Potent Dreaming phase of the year for you, Taurus. In the coming weeks, the adventures you have while you sleep will be far more interesting than any movie you could see in a theater. Some of your dreams may be the nighttime equivalent of wild-goose chases and shaggy-dog stories, with no discernible plot or meaning. But the revelations you receive in others could change your life forever with useful lessons and brilliant insights. To help you remember these spiritual gifts from your subconscious mind, please keep a pen and notebook near your bed.
GEMINI(May 21June 20): You can, of course, choose to ignore the invitations that life will offer you in the coming weeks. Having free will means you can always refuse to go with the cosmic flow. But if you would like to weave the threads of a higher destiny into the fabric of your humdrum routine, you should meditate on how you can be more of a leader. Are there ways you could energize a group or organization you're part of? Are you ready to seize the initiative in one of your close relationships, shepherding it into a new era? Are you willing to summon the courage to rise above the hypnotic numbness of the daily grind, stretching your imagination to see the big picture?
CANCER(June 21July 22): "All human beings should try to learn what they are running from, and to, and why," said James Thurber. Judging from the astrological omens, Cancerian, I think this is the perfect time for you to take his advice very seriously. You're in position to see things that are normally invisible to you, including secrets you hide from yourself and truths you have studiously avoided knowing. Maybe you don't think you're telepathic, but I assure you that right now you at least have the power to read your own deep and mysterious mind.
LEO(July 23Aug. 22): In her memoir, Lipstick Jihad, Azadeh Moaveni describes life in Iran under the crushing oppression of its fundamentalist rulers. She says young people pursue an " 'as if' lifestyle," pretending it's permitted "to hold hands on the street, blast music at parties, speak your mind, challenge authority, take your drug of choice, wear too much lipstick." It's a strenuous game, requiring intricate strategies to circumvent the many prohibitions enforced by the morality police. I suggest that you take your cue from these covert freedom fighters, Leo. Start by identifying the big no that constantly casts a shadow over your life. Does it come from voices inside your head or from external authorities? Live as if you were free to be yourself completely, without having to answer to your personal version of Iran's dour mullahs.
VIRGO(Aug. 23Sept. 22): "You can't depend on your judgment," said Mark Twain, "when your imagination is out of focus." And since your imagination is more than a little fuzzy and aimless right now, Virgo, I recommend you postpone decisions that would require you to have acute judgment. On the other hand, don't get twisted out of shape about it. It's not a big problem. All you have to do to sharpen up your imagination is expose it in a concentrated way to some great works of art or music or literature.
LIBRA(Sept. 23Oct. 22): Some journalists have been expressing pious outrage about baseball players who may have enhanced their physical abilities with steroids. Next maybe they will turn their attention to computer pioneers whose revolutionary innovations in the '70s and '80s were spurred by their ingestion of psychedelic drugs; and musicians, writers, filmmakers, and actors whose creativity is primed by dope and booze; and politicians like the first President George Bush, who regularly took Halcion, a sleeping pill with side effects like amnesia, anxiety attacks, and paranoia; and the millions of average people who make life-changing decisions while in the grip of psychotropics like Prozac or that powerful drug, caffeine. What's your performance-enhancing, mind-altering substance of choice, Libra? Whatever it is, this is the week you should fully acknowledge its impact on your destiny. Celebrate its gifts and analyze its downsides.
SCORPIO(Oct. 23Nov. 21): It's a good time for you to think about your relationship to human beings who haven't been born yet. Is there anything you can do to be more conscious about making your life a gift to the future? What might you create that would enhance the destinies of our descendants? How can you conduct yourself so that you will not only help preserve the wonders we live amid, but actually enhance them? As you ponder your possible contributionsand maybe also take practical action to deepen your commitment to themkeep in mind this thought from Lewis Carroll: "It's a poor sort of memory that only works backward."
SAGITTARIUS(Nov. 22Dec. 21):The transition you'll soon be going through should be exceptionally dramatic and fun, if a bit abrupt. You'll be evolving from a slow, sleepy meander to a savvy, scintillating bolt. As you finish getting your psychic batteries recharged, you'll accelerate quickly and be in sleek, fast motion before you know what's happening. Bid goodbye to your sabbatical, Sagittarius; say "yow" to the brilliant, bracing adventure.
CAPRICORN(Dec. 22Jan. 19): March 18 is Awkward Moments Day. It was created by the authors of the book, Awkward Moments: Celebrating the Humor in Life's Uncomfortable Situations. They tout the value of harnessing opportunities that open up when you or someone else does something embarrassing, clumsy, or clueless. I suggest you try exactly what they recommend, Capricorn. More than any other sign of the zodiac, you now have the potential to take maximum advantage of everything that's dicey, thorny, and ticklish.
AQUARIUS(Jan. 20Feb. 18): A recent poll revealed that more and more people are enjoying oral sex. In the last three years alone, the percentage has increased from 74 to 79 percent. For members of the Aquarian tribe, that figure is likely to zoom precipitously upward in the coming weeks, as will the sheer number of erotic encounters involving the lips and tongue. In fact, all activities involving pleasure with the mouth are likely to lead to success and happiness, including (but not limited to) gourmet eating, loud singing, and wild talking. For extra credit, try combining two activities: gourmet eating and wild talking, for instance, or singing and oral sex.
PISCES(Feb. 19March 20): Please read my Cancer horoscope this week. There I've quoted an interesting observation by the writer James Thurber, then added some related ideas of my own. In a sense, I've collaborated with Thurber. I've blended my mind with his, and together we have come up with counsel that includes both of our thoughts but offers wisdom that's more than the sum of its parts. I suggest that you use this strategy in the coming week, Pisces. Choose people whose lives or work you admire, and work together to create synergies that draw on both their genius and yours.
Free Will Astrology is a weekly horoscope published every Wednesday at 3 p.m. EST