By Alex Distefano
By Scott Snowden
By Anna Merlan
By Steve Almond
By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
My nerves were truly jangled when, at a screening of The Ring Two, a fidgety nelly sitting near me admitted, "I might jump on you. I'm a mess during scary movies. I was under the seat during Jurassic Park." It was Phantom of the Opera's EMMY ROSSUM! Fortunately, she fully behaved herself, later telling me certain sequences didn't scare her at all ("I've worked with animatronic wolves, so I know animatronic caribou"), though the way the girl in the video scenes moved like a bug "creeped me out." Even her fancy pair begged for a squirt of Raid.
But I'm buggin' since ALEXANDER PAYNE and SANDRA OH went kaput mere moments after his Oscar win, confirming my theory that the cursed award almost always unbalances relationships. (One of the few surviving Oscar-discordant couples, HILARY and CHAD, breaks all the rules.)
Meanwhile, ASHTON may have impregnated DEMI? Greatfinally there'll be someone closer to his own age to play with.
And here's another sign of new life: As American Idol's MARIO VAZQUEZ heads back to the bar scene, the show's CONSTANTINE MAROULIS has elegantly risen from it. They just shot an Idol segment at Apocalypse Lounge, the East Village haunt where Constantine used to work. (He served me once, with large doses of swagger and charm.) As Apocalypse's head honcho, FRED ROTHBELL-MISTA, told me, "I was always firing Constantine. He once spotted a woman in the club and asked if he could get her number. I said, 'But she's older, she's married, she has two children, she lives in Florida, and she's my niece!' He said, 'So can I have her number?' " But the guy kept getting his job back and went from barback to all-purpose helper, even doing occasional toilet work without bitching. "He's not stuck up at all," said Fred. "He's like a homely guy in a nice-looking guy's body." I can so relate.
Gay-entertainment writer-reviewer DAMON KRUEZERrecently sent out an angry mass e-mail complaining about the state of gay porn star MATTHEW RUSH's website. "Why is Rush doing a three-hour live sex show tonight," fumed Kruezer, "but he hasn't been performing or appearing on his own website since December, contrary to what paying members were promised when they signed up? Some of them are contemplating legal action." Falcon Studios rep TROY PRICKETT (who didn't return my call for comment) replied to Kruezer, "You are a disreputable person in my view by daring to question Matthew Rush, who is so admired and respected. Your several interviews with Matthew did not properly represent what he said, according to what he told us." Prickett even threatened a cease and desist order if Kruezer didn't shut his facial hole. Imagine daring to question the great and powerful Matthew Rush!
But another Falcon star, MARCUS IRON, is doing quite well, without any question. Careful viewers of HGTV's Curb Appeal recently recognized him as landscaper MICHAEL LOFTIS. No, the show isn't turning into Gutter Appeal. It's just that the multi-talented Iron is striking while he's hot hot hot.
Web extra: According to an insider on the "All That Chat" message board on talkinbroadway.com, Scarlett Johansson will play Maria in Trevor Nunn's London production of The Sound of Music in fall '06. I hope she gets a lot of do-re-mi.