By Alex Distefano
By Scott Snowden
By Anna Merlan
By Steve Almond
By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
SAGITTARIUS(Nov. 22Dec. 21): More than half of the people polled say they would keep their jobs if they won the lottery. You yourself may have to make that decision soon, Sagittarius. Will being a millionaire cause you to completely renounce your current way of life? I hope not. April Fool! I am not, in fact, predicting you will win the lottery. However, it's quite possible that you'll be blessed with some other stroke of luck that will tempt you to leave behind familiar things that helped put you where you are today. Be thoughtful about how you navigate your way through the changes caused by your good fortune.
CAPRICORN(Dec. 22Jan. 19): The information produced in the world every year would fill 37,000 Libraries of Congress. Unfortunately, you haven't been keeping up very well. If you know what's good for you, you'll dramatically increase your uptake of raw data. Read more newspapers and magazines, please. Spend more time surfing the Web. Watch more TV. April Fool! 99.99 percent of all that raw data is useless, meaningless, and corrupted with half-truth. In fact, to best serve your mental health you should get a high-quality bullshit detector. Either that, or invite more silence into your life.
AQUARIUS(Jan. 20Feb. 18): You seriously need to subscribe to Lucky magazine or the Robb Report or some other glossy rag about shopping. Your consumer skills have deteriorated. You're becoming hopelessly inept at finding luxury items at bargain prices. Shape up, Aquarius. April Fool! The truth is that it's an excellent time for you to take a sabbatical from consumerism. See if you can go entire days without spending any money at all. Build psychic barriers in your imagination that will make you immune to seductive commercials. Read Adbusters magazine.
PISCES(Feb. 19March 20): You're about to enter a phase that will resemble Bizarro World, the fictional realm in Superman comics. It's a cube-shaped planet where everything is the opposite of life on Earth: Stupidity is revered, hypocrisy is routine, and nothing's regarded as true unless it's ugly. April Fool! The conditions I just described as characteristic of Bizarro World are actually pretty close to the values that prevail here on our planet. So while it's true that you'll be in a phase when everything's the reverse of normal life, that will be a very good thing. Compassionate intelligence will be revered. Many people will be painstakingly consistent in serving their high principles. Truth and beauty will often be found in the same place. Have fun!
HOMEWORKDescribe what you'd be like if you were the opposite of yourself. Testify at freewillastrology.com.
Free Will Astrology is a weekly horoscope published every Wednesday at 3 p.m. EST