By Alex Distefano
By Scott Snowden
By Anna Merlan
By Steve Almond
By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
TUCK A 'HO
Taboo was a lumberjack musical next to the Imperial Court's Night of 1,000 Gowns at the Marriott Marquisa glorious spectacle, complete with disco divas wailing and ladies in waiting throwing rose petals into the Aqua Netted air. The only cutthroat action came with the evening's silent auction for LIFEbeat, where a complete C-word outbid me at the last minute for a portrait of JOCELYNE WILDENSTEIN. You psycho! (Most of these drag queens have morals, though; perjurer LIL' KIM's donated watch, with a $1,000 starting value, got no bids whatsoever.) Filling the main runway like a typhoon, Empress ROBIN KRADLES wore feathers up the wazoo to usher in her reign of enforced glamour. Will she rob cradles? "Given half a chance," she said, winking through a mountain of mascara.
But back to the legit stage, Off-Broadway is serving up lumpy leftovers with Moonlight and Magnolias, a farce about the making of Gone With the Wind, which sounded right up my tin pan alley, but was so frenetic and corny that frankly, I didn't give a damn. And enough with magnolia titles, please! And nostalgia plays! And revivals! And Queer Eye guys gushing over shamed politicos! And people outbidding me! And columns about theater!
Papa's brand new bag: Carlton J. Smith
photo: Chris Herder
What have we learned in the papers lately? That ASHLEY SMITH's getting that mass murderer to turn himself in was a miracle, designed so he could give the word of God to other prisoners; that Johnnie Cochran was a gentleman who cared about poor people; and that the pope was the fulcrum of all things loving and equalitarian. Could you just vomit? Only the Terri Schiavo situation brought some real enlightenment to my crowd. In fact, you can't go to a party nowadays without people you haven't seen in years running up to you and saying, "By the way, I just want to make it official that I want to be unplugged!"
Well, before that happens, let me throw out a few other informational certainties: The SCISSOR SISTERS just went to Las Vegas to record with ELTON JOHN . . . Now that Fez is bye-bye, JOAN RIVERS will do her comedy shows at the Cutting Room . . . B.B. King's "Motown Brunch" star CARLTON J. SMITH just came back from three months in China and told the crowd, "I want some fake Chinese food again. The real stuff was killing me!" . . . And over at the Maritime's gay night, I watched as a randy, long-haired guy chatted up Paper magazine's DREW ELLIOTT and offered to buy him a drink. It was Broadway star GAVIN CREEL! Drew declined; he's in charge of the free drinks there anyway. M.M.