Directed by Albert Xavier
Opens May 13, Coliseum

My name is Fabio. I make fake dollar dollar bills, y'all. But I'm in jail. Whoops! Now I'm not. Nice! Let's see, got a new Benz, check. Hot sex with old girlfriend, check. Reconnect with the cats who got me locked up in the first place, check. Wait a minute, I'm lost in Carlito's Way. Plus ça change . . . Italians are mobsters. They eat spaghetti. Botanicas are some crazy shit, right? Pause, as I allow my girl to shave my glistening, ovoid head. Beautiful. Oh, right. I almost forgot. I have a teenage daughter from a previous relationship whom I haven't seen for 10 years who's going to hate—just hate, as in, "Mom, is it true? I hate you!"—life. Oh wait, she loves me. Sweet! Now that I've got my (see title), I'm out, son! Panama hats, cigars on the beach . . . ¡Quisqueya! PETER L'OFFICIAL

Gag the dog: Li
photo: Rogue Pictures
Gag the dog: Li


Directed by Louis Leterrier
Rogue, opens May 13

May 13 through 15, Anthology

Best known for the bootleg-video classic Heavy Metal Parking Lot—that notorious time capsule of Reagan-era metalhead teendom, made with John Heyn in 1986—Washington, D.C.'s Jeff Krulik has achieved a fascinating post-Parking Lot career as folk documentarian, TV producer, and film programmer. In his own work and in the various media artifacts he's collected, Krulik keenly zeros in on that zone of existence where the intoxicating energy of micro-fame seeps into the daily lives of everyday schmoes: a phenomenon made visible by the cable-access milieu from which Krulik emerged, and blown up to revolutionary proportions with the advent of the Internet. Krulik's latest cabinet of curiosities, the three-part series "Nut Magnet," includes his new investigation into the waning world of sideshow freaks and performers; a sequel to his 2000 short Obsessed With Jews, which follows an endearingly nebbishy accountant who collects the ephemera of Jewish celebrities; and where-are-they-now updates of Heavy Metal Parking Lot's denizens. Though drawn to unusual subjects, Krulik is no exploiter. Bereft of the mean-spiritedness that undergirds reality TV, Krulik is an honest friend of the freaks, lacing his street-level ethnography with self-deprecating humor and amiable humanity. E.H.

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