Is This a Date?

Vague plans leave me clueless about where I stand with flirty friends

Luckily, there's still hope. My friend Nate tells me about a guy who kept going out with his female co-worker. To him, these were simple, platonic outings, but by the sixth one, she was pissed. They had it out, getting into a public fight, which somehow morphed into a hot hookup session, and now they're married!

Lynn Harris, co-creator of breakupgirl.net, finds value in what she calls "vague dates." "Allowing for a little more mystery wouldn't kill any of us. Too many daters date on a need-to-know basis. People are so compelled to define 'where we stand' or 'what this thing is'—two phrases that can suck the life, if not the lust, out of any interaction. So relax. Pay attention to the guy or girl and the date instead of wondering what to call it."

I'm fine with just being friends; it's the ambiguity that drives me mad. The most frustrating part is how quickly I become enamored. I'll admit to dirty daydreams about throwing down with each of them. I want to know what makes these smart, cute guys tick; going only halfway is such a tease. I try to contain myself, but it becomes a balancing act between admitting my infatuation and possibly earning a second, real date and protecting myself emotionally. I'm curious but cautious. Will that stop me from saying yes the next time a cutie says, "Let's hang out"? No, but I'd rather his intentions be clear so I can spend less time questioning and more time, as the Hazzards would say, making out. I do have a sex column to write.


Please visit rachelkramerbussel.com.

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