By Alan Scherstuhl
By Charles Taylor
By Melissa Anderson
By Inkoo Kang
By Amy Nicholson
By Sam Weisberg
By Stephanie Zacharek
By Chuck Wilson
In recent interviews, George Lucas has asserted that once the Star Wars series ends, he will devote his talents to making experimental films. But according to a number of memos found by the Voice in a dumpster outside Anthology Film Archives, his true plans are slightly different. Turns out he intends to use cutting-edge LucasArts technology to "improve" upon several classics of the avant-garde. Some proposed projects include:
Cremaster 6: A New Hope In this sequel to Matthew Barney's five-part cycle, a red-headed goat-man races an X-wing starfighter made of frozen Vaseline to the moon of Endor, where he couples with a paraplegic Ewok.
Jedi Donkey-Boy Lucas augments Dogme bad-boy Harmony Korine's free-form feature with a new scene in which a pregnant Padmé attempts to cross the frozen seas of Hoth on handmade ice skates.
Jar Jar Nation The life story of Jar Jar Binks is retold in the style of Jonathan Caouette's acclaimed autobiography, montaged from 30 years of grainy holograms to chronicle the awkward alien's struggles with anti-Gungan prejudice and a congenital speech defect.
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